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Sunday, July 14, 2024

Americans Looking Forward To Selecting Next Leader Based On Who Has The Most Ad Money

As the 2024 presidential election approaches, Americans are increasingly looking forward to the next round of voting for whichever candidate can raise the highest amount of advertising dollars for their campaign.

Marge Oberland, a spokesperson for the Center For Advanced Media Placement, emphasized the critical role of raising cash for advertising in modern elections. “It’s increasingly important for Americans that their leaders have the most ad dollars to spend,” Oberland said. “A candidate’s ability to raise significant funds best demonstrates their fitness as a leader of a nation of 330 million citizens.”

“It looks like it could be a toss up at this point,” said voter Joe Doakenfeld of Kanstead, Nebraska, as he awaited the coming election. “Both candidates are raising incredibly high amounts of money – I’m not sure who will come out on top, but they will have my vote, that’s for sure.”

As voters prepare to make their choices based on the size of each candidate’s advertising budget, fundraisers are kicking their outreach to wealthy donors into high gear. “As always we use a multi-prong approach in our engagement of contributors,” said veteran fundraiser Marvin Kolbjornsen. “Celebrity golf tournaments, red carpet events, private jet magazines, … we do outreach on all platforms to ensure that our client winds up with the most ad money thereby winning the election.”

As of press time, political operatives were changing out an ad in a yacht club restroom based on data showing billionaires tend to stare at photos of naked women when using a urinal.

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