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Tuesday, May 21, 2024

Netanyahu Touts Success At Creating Entire Nation Of People Who Want To Kill Israelis

NEW YORK –

In a speech to the United Nations Friday, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel declared victory in his plan to incite a wave of anger from neighboring Gaza so intense, that millions of people want nothing more than to kill all Israeli citizens.

“I am proud to announce that thru our efforts and careful planning, we now are living next to millions of people who will make it their life’s work to murder anyone who lives in our nation”, the Prime Minister said to the UN assembly. “People said that it was impossible to so anger an entire population, that they will sacrifice their lives to inflict harm and death upon our citizens no matter the cost” he said, stabbing his finger in the air, “but I am here to tell you it IS possible. And we did it!”

Some citizens of Gaza, who once harbored no strong feelings towards Israel, have expressed their newfound determination to take drastic measures to kill Israelis at any opportunity. One hospital worker who chose to remain anonymous, said, “I have devoted my life to helping people and never used to think much about Israel, but I will now happily dedicate my life to killing Israelis in whatever way possible.”

Another humanitarian worker distributing food agreed. “The actions of Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu have shown us that we can no longer sit idly by while his forces destroy our people. We will do whatever it takes to protect our nation, and apparently that means killing Israelis every day for all eternity in whatever way we can.”

While some Israelis have expressed reservations about the goal of the Prime Minister, as of press time they were too busy campaigning for his reelection to worry about it.

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