THE PENTAGON – Lashing out at what he saw as a threat to national security after being told of an unflattering comment about himself, President Donald Trump today revoked all security privileges for the Home Alone child star MacCauley Culkin, effective immediately. Although Mr. Culkin has no security privileges or access to government classified […]
KATCHATAW, IOWA – A local toad, who has made a name for himself as the ‘toadiest toad in Katchataw county’, has been feeling a little out of sorts during the president’s trip to Helsinki this week. It seems he’s been plagued by the notion that maybe he’s quite not as toady as he thought. […]
WASHINGTON DC – In the wake of Justice Anthony Kennedy’s announced retirement from the US Supreme Court, President Trump moved swiftly today to nominate internet meme Scumbag Steve as the replacement for the 81-year old judge. Met At A Key Party At Mar-A-Lago The president, a longtime fan of the erstwhile internet sensation, […]
WASHINGTON, DC – In a bit of sleuthing that would would have made Sherlock Holmes proud, the US Congress this week claimed to have located the source of most of the gravest problems facing the nation today: Steve Zuckerberg, the head of a social media company that provides free web pages for people to […]
UNITED STATES – While recognizing that firearms are an important issue, Republicans this week said they’re reasonably certain people are blowing this whole gun thing way out of proportion at the moment, and are confident the country will settle down and return to accepting mass shootings in the United States as normal real soon. […]
WASHINGTON, DC – Citing a strong showing by Vladimir Putin, who won a fourth term as Russian President by garnering over 73% of the popular vote, President Trump believes Republicans will carry that momentum into the 2018 midterms and defeat the Democrats. “People love winning, and Putin won big,” said the President. “Our many […]
WASHINGTON DC – Although currently in control of both Houses of Congress and the presidency, Republicans have abandoned their previous campaign strategy of convincing voters to throw incumbents out of office, and have begun testing a new approach for the 2018 midterms. The strategy, dubbed “Throw The Bums Back Into Office,” is designed to […]
FAIRFAX, VA – In a remarkable turnabout this week in the nation’s gun rights debate, the National Rifle Association today urged Congress to draft legislation to prohibit the sale of assault weapons, handguns – or firearms of any kind – to angry anti-gun activists. “These people are getting out of control, and Congress should […]
WASHINGTON DC – Tired of the negative attention in the press, and the clamoring of citizens in their districts to do something about the death toll in the nation’s schools, Republicans in conjunction with the NRA proposed a new initiative today to arm 6th graders across the country with military-grade weapons to ward off […]
WASHINGTON DC – In a dramatic statement to a group of reporters gathered at a pre-rally press conference, President Trump today called for the Special Prosecutor to open an investigation into the President of the United States to find out whether he is part of a vast “deep state conspiracy”. Pointing repeatedly at himself during […]