President Revokes Security Clearance Of Macaulay Culkin

President Revokes Security Clearance Of Macaulay Culkin

  THE PENTAGON – Lashing out at what he saw as a threat to national security after being told of an unflattering comment about himself, President Donald Trump today revoked all security privileges for the Home Alone child star MacCauley Culkin, effective immediately. Although Mr. Culkin has no security privileges or access to government classified […]

President Nominates Scumbag Steve For Supreme Court Justice

President Nominates Scumbag Steve For Supreme Court Justice

  WASHINGTON DC – In the wake of Justice Anthony Kennedy’s announced retirement from the US Supreme Court, President Trump moved swiftly today to nominate internet meme Scumbag Steve as the replacement for the 81-year old judge.   Met At A Key Party At Mar-A-Lago The president, a longtime fan of the erstwhile internet sensation, […]

Republicans Pretty Sure This Whole Gun Thing Will Blow Over Soon

  UNITED STATES – While recognizing that firearms are an important issue, Republicans this week said they’re reasonably certain people are blowing this whole gun thing way out of proportion at the moment, and are confident the country will settle down and return to accepting mass shootings in the United States as normal real soon. […]

Trump Hoping To Ride Putin Win To Victory In 2018 Midterms

Trump Hoping To Ride Putin Win To Victory In 2018 Midterms

  WASHINGTON, DC – Citing a strong showing by Vladimir Putin, who won a fourth term as Russian President by garnering over 73% of the popular vote, President Trump believes Republicans will carry that momentum into the 2018 midterms and defeat the Democrats. “People love winning, and Putin won big,” said the President. “Our many […]

GOP Experiments With New “Throw Bums Back Into Office” Campaign

GOP Experiments With New “Throw Bums Back Into Office” Campaign

  WASHINGTON DC – Although currently in control of both Houses of Congress and the presidency, Republicans have abandoned their previous campaign strategy of convincing voters to throw incumbents out of office, and have begun testing a new approach for the 2018 midterms. The strategy, dubbed “Throw The Bums Back Into Office,” is designed to […]

NRA Proposes Gun Restrictions On People Who Are Angry At The NRA

NRA Proposes Gun Restrictions On People Who Are Angry At The NRA

  FAIRFAX, VA – In a remarkable turnabout this week in the nation’s gun rights debate, the National Rifle Association today urged Congress to draft legislation to prohibit the sale of assault weapons, handguns – or firearms of any kind – to angry anti-gun activists. “These people are getting out of control, and Congress should […]

GOP Proposes Arming 6th Graders As Solution To School Shootings

GOP Proposes Arming 6th Graders As Solution To School Shootings

  WASHINGTON DC – Tired of the negative attention in the press, and the clamoring of citizens in their districts to do something about the death toll in the nation’s schools, Republicans in conjunction with the NRA proposed a new initiative today to arm 6th graders across the country with military-grade weapons to ward off […]

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