GOTHAM – As part of his evil plan to overrun the city’s law enforcement with an army of villains to do his bidding, the Joker announced this week that he will release thousands of criminals into the city to prey upon the unsuspecting citizens of Gotham. “For too long,” said the recently reformed miscreant […]
ATLANTA, GA – After making the alarming announcement that Georgia’s voting system had been hacked on the eve of the midterm elections, Secretary of State Brian Kemp announced this morning that there was no such problem, and that the whole thing was just a crazy joke to rile people up. “I really have to […]
MEXICO – In a bid to secure thousands of low-paying jobs that no American wants to do, an enormous crowd of workers from across Central America joined forces this week to storm the US borders with a goal of replacing roofs, harvesting farm produce, cleaning hotel rooms, and generally taking care of the US […]
WASHINGTON DC – In a harshly worded statement that left no room for interpretation, leaders of the democratic party today demanded in no uncertain terms that President Trump must not, under any circumstances, attempt to juggle chainsaws. And further, that if he does, he must never do so while wearing a blindfold. Redline […]
WASHINGTON DC – Making a frantic call from the shower stall of his 2nd floor bathroom this morning, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell called for Senate Republicans to immediately vote without delay via conference call to confirm Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court “before any of those slippery goddam devils tries to back out.” […]
WASHINGTON DC – In an impromptu visit to the Judiciary Committee that recommended his confirmation 27 years ago, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas stopped by the US Senate this week to reminisce with the legislative branch as a white guy with a side-part. Crazy Times Although admittedly not as young as he used […]
OTTAWA, CANADA – In a remarkable departure from presidential decorum, Donald Trump today unsettled the Washington establishment when he was overcome with a terrible fervor in the Lincoln bedroom, swearing to the heavens that he would visit all manner of evil upon the bovine population of the United State’s northernmost neighbor, or die in […]
THE PENTAGON – Lashing out at what he saw as a threat to national security after being told of an unflattering comment about himself, President Donald Trump today revoked all security privileges for the Home Alone child star MacCauley Culkin, effective immediately. Although Mr. Culkin has no security privileges or access to government classified […]
WASHINGTON DC – President Donald Trump demonstrated his resolute commitment to reining in trade deficits with China this week by vowing that he would punish American farmers “as long as it takes” until China changes the way it does business with the United States. US Can No Longer Stand Idly By Saying the […]
KATCHATAW, IOWA – A local toad, who has made a name for himself as the ‘toadiest toad in Katchataw county’, has been feeling a little out of sorts during the president’s trip to Helsinki this week. It seems he’s been plagued by the notion that maybe he’s quite not as toady as he thought. […]