Republicans Pretty Sure This Whole Gun Thing Will Blow Over Soon

Republicans Pretty Sure This Whole Gun Thing Will Blow Over Soon

  UNITED STATES – While recognizing that firearms are an important issue, Republicans this week said they’re reasonably certain people are blowing this whole gun thing way out of proportion at the moment, and are confident the country will settle down and return to accepting mass shootings in the United States as normal real soon. […]

Trump Hoping To Ride Putin Win To Victory In 2018 Midterms

Trump Hoping To Ride Putin Win To Victory In 2018 Midterms

  WASHINGTON, DC – Citing a strong showing by Vladimir Putin, who won a fourth term as Russian President by garnering over 73% of the popular vote, President Trump believes Republicans will carry that momentum into the 2018 midterms and defeat the Democrats. “People love winning, and Putin won big,” said the President. “Our many […]

GOP Experiments With New “Throw Bums Back Into Office” Campaign

GOP Experiments With New “Throw Bums Back Into Office” Campaign

  WASHINGTON DC – Although currently in control of both Houses of Congress and the presidency, Republicans have abandoned their previous campaign strategy of convincing voters to throw incumbents out of office, and have begun testing a new approach for the 2018 midterms. The strategy, dubbed “Throw The Bums Back Into Office,” is designed to […]

NRA Proposes Gun Restrictions On People Who Are Angry At The NRA

NRA Proposes Gun Restrictions On People Who Are Angry At The NRA

  FAIRFAX, VA – In a remarkable turnabout this week in the nation’s gun rights debate, the National Rifle Association today urged Congress to draft legislation to prohibit the sale of assault weapons, handguns – or firearms of any kind – to angry anti-gun activists. “These people are getting out of control, and Congress should […]

GOP Proposes Arming 6th Graders As Solution To School Shootings

GOP Proposes Arming 6th Graders As Solution To School Shootings

  WASHINGTON DC – Tired of the negative attention in the press, and the clamoring of citizens in their districts to do something about the death toll in the nation’s schools, Republicans in conjunction with the NRA proposed a new initiative today to arm 6th graders across the country with military-grade weapons to ward off […]

Evangelicals Sign Letter Rejecting Immigrants From “Shithole” Countries

Evangelicals Sign Letter Rejecting Immigrants From “Shithole” Countries

  UNITED STATES – Forty-seven prominent evangelical pastors signed a letter this week in support of President Trump’s call to ban immigrants from “shithole countries” in favor of admitting more citizens from Norway. “While we don’t agree with everything the President says,” said Marvin Linkwaiter, pastor of the Evangelical Church Of The Armageddon, “we do […]

President Trump Signs Pledge Of Unwavering Loyalty To Himself

President Trump Signs Pledge Of Unwavering Loyalty To Himself

WASHINGTON, DC – In a move designed to provide some solace to an embattled administration, President Donald Trump this week asked for, and received, a pledge of loyalty from President Donald Trump. The pledge, which White House aides say was freely given, stated that the President agrees to fully support the President regardless of what […]

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