President Clarifies He In Favor Of Background Chicks

President Clarifies He In Favor Of Background Chicks

  Clearing up a widely misunderstood statement following the tragic mass shootings in two American cities this week, President Trump told a gathering of reporters outside the Oval Office today that he is very much in favor of background chicks. “I want to set the record straight,” he told reporters. “I do not support any […]

GOP Strategists Downplay Trump Rally Chant “No More Niggers”

GOP Strategists Downplay Trump Rally Chant “No More Niggers”

  WASHINGTON DC – The denizens of K Street were working overtime this week as Republican strategists played damage control after a rousing chant of “no more niggers” broke out at a Trump rally in West Virgina. “Obviously this was just some locker room talk that nobody meant any harm over,” said Graylon Edgecumbe, head […]

Ohio State University To Oversee Investigation Into Trump Administration

Ohio State University To Oversee Investigation Into Trump Administration

  In a surprise announcement today, Department of Justice officials declared that Ohio State University has been picked to oversee any further investigations of President Donald Trump, his family, and business interests according to a source who requested anonymity. The university, recently under fire for allowing a sports doctor to allegedly molest athletes unimpeded for […]

White Supremacist Shooter Boosts Taliban Approval Ratings By .01%

White Supremacist Shooter Boosts Taliban Approval Ratings By .01%

  CHRISTCHURCH, NZ – According to a new poll released today by the public opinion-tracking company The Phalen Group, an Australian white supremacist shooter significantly boosted approval ratings for the Afghanistan Muslim group most closely associated with the attack on 911 by an impressive .01 percent. The shooter, who committed horrific crimes against defenseless people […]


Trump Orders White House Security Clearance Granted For Vladimir Putin

Trump Orders White House Security Clearance Granted For Vladimir Putin

  WASHINGTON DC – Bucking the long tradition of former presidents refusing to give sensitive intelligence to the leaders of adversarial nations, President Trump this week ordered Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney to grant Russian President Vladimir Putin the highest security clearance available from the US government. The clearance, which allows the former KGB officer […]

White House Report: Fear Of Poverty Will Keep You Healthy

White House Report: Fear Of Poverty Will Keep You Healthy

  WASHINGTON DC – The White House released some positive news Tuesday to reassure the 24 million Americans who may lose their health insurance under the Republican-led lawsuit to invalidate the Affordable Care Act. “It’s understandable that Americans losing their insurance under our plan will be concerned about what will happen to them. This is […]

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