Trump Learns Attorney General’s Name Is Not Jeff Secessionist

Trump Learns Attorney General’s Name Is Not Jeff Secessionist

WASHINGTON DC – The unhappy surprises continued unabated for the embattled 45th President this week when an aide close to him pointed out that the nation’s Attorney General is not named Jeff Secessionist, but is in fact, Jeff Sessions. Mr. Sessions, who was hand-picked by Mr. Trump to lead the justice department, said that he […]

Trump Admits Chief Strategist Bannon Must Be An Imbecile

Trump Admits Chief Strategist Bannon Must Be An Imbecile

  WASHINGTON – Disclosures by the White House Friday, which exposed the assets of as many as 180 senior officials to public scrutiny, forced the President of the United States to face a difficult reality early this morning: his Chief Strategist, Steven Bannon, was worth less than 50 million dollars. “I was very surprised to […]

New “Charter Prisons” Initiative Announced By Trump Administration

New “Charter Prisons” Initiative Announced By Trump Administration

LEAVENWORTH, KS – In an effort to expand the choices available to communities for imprisoning their citizens, the Trump administration today announced a new initiative to encourage entrepreneurs to come up with new ways of locking people up. The brainchild of Attorney General Sessions and Education Secretary De Vos, the new “Charter Prisons” will allow […]

White House Confirms Stephen Miller’s Middle Name Not Hussein

White House Confirms Stephen Miller’s Middle Name Not Hussein

WASHINGTON DC – Responding to a feverish outpouring of untrue internet rumors that have been sweeping thru social media, the White House today took the unusual step of confirming that White House Aide Stephen Miller’s middle name is definitely not Hussein. While completely unfounded, the “Stephen Hussein Miller” rumor has gathered steam on Reddit, Twitter, […]

Action Bronson To Head New US Department of Ancient Astronauts

Action Bronson To Head New US Department of Ancient Astronauts

ANNAPOLIS, MD – In a sign of the incoming Trump administration’s priorities, Homeland Security today announced the creation of a new Department of Ancient Astronauts, and said that noted rapper, chef, and ancient astronauts authority Action Bronson had been tapped as its new chief. Long a subject of controversy, inter-planetary visits from aliens in the […]

Doorknob Declares It Will Run for President in 2020

Doorknob Declares It Will Run for President in 2020

COUNCIL BLUFFS, IA – Anticipating a wide open race in the coming years, a doorknob in Council Bluffs, Iowa, has become the first candidate out of the gate to declare its candidacy for the 2020 United States presidential election. The doorknob, a Craftsman-style knob mounted on a bronze escutcheon, does not identify with a particular […]

Polar Bears Being Wiped Out As Part of Intelligent Design, Insists Local Kansas School Board

Polar Bears Being Wiped Out As Part of Intelligent Design, Insists Local Kansas School Board

BROWNSVILLE, KS – In response to increased attention being paid in classrooms to the plight of polar bears in a shrinking habitat, the School Board of Brownsville Township recently advised teachers to provide not only scientific reasons for the animals’ situation, but to also spend time presenting the theory that polar bears are being wiped […]