Bee Looking Forward To Dinosaurs Ruling Planet Again

Bee Looking Forward To Dinosaurs Ruling Planet Again

  As bees everywhere continue to dwindle in numbers as part of their master plan to starve the human race, a local bee said he was looking forward to seeing the dinosaurs finally return once humans are extinct. “Humans have really botched things up big time,” said the bee, who declined to be named out […]

Despite Test Results Doctor No Idea What Wrong With You

Despite Test Results Doctor No Idea What Wrong With You

  Despite running a battery of tests designed to uncover the cause of your symptoms and identify a treatment plan, your doctor this week reported he pretty much stymied as to what kind of issues you got. The in-depth exam, which included MRIs, an EEG, an EKG and X-Rays, failed to yield any clues about […]

Report: There Is No Escape. There Is Only Death. Death, and Bugles.

Report: There Is No Escape. There Is Only Death. Death, and Bugles.

  LABRADOR, SCOTLAND – Researchers working around the clock to crack the code of human existence have released their findings this week, stating that there is, in fact, no escape from the hellscape we inhabit called “being alive” except for a most likely painful and distressing death when the body will return to its primordial […]

Man Experiences Daylight Savings Time Shift As Foretold By Einstein

Man Experiences Daylight Savings Time Shift As Foretold By Einstein

 NEWPORT CANYON, CO – While astrophysics might seem like a remote field of study, far removed from the events that make up our daily lives, local man Barn Thompsen had a run-in with Albert Einstein’s theory of special relativity this morning as he experienced the famous physicist’s Daylight Saving’s Time Shift firsthand.   Keep Checking […]

Scientists Reveal Universe Actually Shaped Like iPhone 7s

Scientists Reveal Universe Actually Shaped Like iPhone 7s

  BERN, SWITZERLAND – Astrophysicists who have been working for decades to define the shape of the universe released their findings today in the journal Astroscience, revealing that it is the exact shape of an iPhone 7s. “We were as surprised an anyone,” said the lead technician on the project, Professor Luken Balden. “But the […]


Americans Scramble To Fund New Alcohol-Friendly Health Study

Americans Scramble To Fund New Alcohol-Friendly Health Study

  UNITED STATES – Alarmed by recent scientific studies claiming the negative health effects of alcohol outweigh the overall benefits, people across the nation today began contributing money to fund a study more favorable to drinking alcohol.   Scientists Have No Clue While traditionally Americans have taken warnings from health-related studies in stride, many posters […]

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