Scientists Reveal Universe Actually Shaped Like iPhone 7s

Scientists Reveal Universe Actually Shaped Like iPhone 7s

  BERN, SWITZERLAND – Astrophysicists who have been working for decades to define the shape of the universe released their findings today in the journal Astroscience, revealing that it is the exact shape of an iPhone 7s. “We were as surprised an anyone,” said the lead technician on the project, Professor Luken Balden. “But the […]

Attorney General Sessions Most Likely Responsible For Hurricane Michael

Attorney General Sessions Most Likely Responsible For Hurricane Michael

  WASHINGTON DC – In what’s being generally viewed as a foregone conclusion, sources in Washington agreed Tuesday that although he may not have personally created the storm currently pounding the southeastern portion of the United States, Attorney General Sessions is probably mostly responsible for it taking place.   Probably The Cause Representative Mark Meadows, […]

Americans Scramble To Fund New Alcohol-Friendly Health Study

Americans Scramble To Fund New Alcohol-Friendly Health Study

  UNITED STATES – Alarmed by a recent scientific study which claimed that the negative health effects of alcohol outweigh the overall benefits, people across the nation today immediately began contributing money to fund a study more favorable to drinking alcohol.   Publication Of Findings Within Ten Days A Kickstarter account promising to “fund a […]

White House Announces Cigarettes Are Good For You

White House Announces Cigarettes Are Good For You

  WASHINGTON, DC – Chafing under years of scientific reporting on the catastrophic effects that cigarette smoking has on human health, President Trump today announced that “contrary to what fake news would have you believe, cigarettes are definitely not bad for your health. In fact, they are actually very good for you.” Smoking his way […]


President Announces Plan To Send Tiny Astronauts To The Moon

President Announces Plan To Send Tiny Astronauts To The Moon

WASHINGTON DC – Saying he has long been searching for a way to further the cause of space exploration while keeping his promise to cut the federal budget in half, President Trump announced today that he had found a solution for NASA. The answer: tiny astronauts.   Tiny Astronauts Do Not Take Up Much Room […]

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