Millennials Agree Via Text To Replicate Species And Save Human Race

Millennials Agree Via Text To Replicate Species And Save Human Race

  EARTH – Humankind was saved from impending extinction on Thursday when Millennials around the globe agreed via text that they would set down their phones long enough to do what was necessary to procreate. The agreement, which started via Snapchat, migrated to WhatsApp and was finalized in SMS, outlined the terms of Millennial participation […]

Scientists Announce Breakthrough: Triple Frosty Nerds Now A Reality

Scientists Announce Breakthrough: Triple Frosty Nerds Now A Reality

STANFORD UNIVERSITY – Scientists stunned the confectionery world today by announcing that after years of effort, which exacted a terrible personal toll on the researchers involved, they had finally succeeded in producing a Triple-Frosty Nerd in the laboratory. The team of researchers, led by Dr. Anton Scopashurli, had been working around the clock for almost […]

Climate Scientists Discover Abominable Snowman, Battle To The Death

Climate Scientists Discover Abominable Snowman, Battle To The Death

ANTARCTICA – Climate scientists at the Far South Polar Expeditionary Station were just getting started with their seasonal ice core drilling this week, when they accidentally became party to a life-and-death struggle with an infamous and fearsome creature. The research team was 100 miles inland from the Ross Ice Shelf on a scientific mission to […]

Billionaires Release New Theory of Relativity

Billionaires Release New Theory of Relativity

PRINCETON, NJ – In a response to the clamoring of Americans for a better theory of relativity, a group of American billionaires has released a new theory of relativity to replace that of famous physicist and mathematician Albert Einstein. The billionaires collaborating on the new theory, a diverse group that reportedly included Bill Gates, Jeff […]

Message Received From Aliens, Does Not Trend on Twitter

Message Received From Aliens, Does Not Trend on Twitter

EARTH, OUR SOLAR SYSTEM – An historic event that has been both anticipated and feared by the earth’s inhabitants throughout time occurred on Friday when a very clear message was received by the instruments at SETI, the worldwide research organization dedicated to detecting radio frequency transmissions from outer space. “We have been looking for patterns […]

World Pulls Jaw Muscle During Yawn Over Yet Another Satirical News Site

World Pulls Jaw Muscle During Yawn Over Yet Another Satirical News Site

EARTH, OUR SOLAR SYSTEM – The world collectively injured its jaw Tuesday as it reacted to the appearance of yet another satirical news site on the internet. Orthopedic surgeon Dr. Martin Barrows of New York’s UCC Congregationalists Hospital, who treated the world, said that it occurred while the world was having coffee and saw an […]

Sleemonsters on Mars Remove Trump Name from Nearby Crater

Sleemonsters on Mars Remove Trump Name from Nearby Crater

MARS, OUR SOLAR SYSTEM – Sleemonsters living in a crater that was named after president-elect Donald Trump in 1992 have decided this week to remove the Trump name from their Martian home. The crater is located near the massive volcano Olympus Mons in the Mars northern hemisphere. The crater’s original scientific designation, MO-13189, was changed […]

This Day In Science – 1924

This Day In Science – 1924

This Day in Science: This day in 1924, the culmination of years of effort came to fruition when researchers at the Krumrye Laboratories in Scotland discovered a scent that caused people in large crowds who breathed in the odor to immediately begin urinating uncontrollably until their bladders were completely emptied. The scientific team, which conducted […]