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Sunday, July 14, 2024

Man Experiences Daylight Savings Time Shift As Foretold By Einstein


While astrophysics might seem like a remote field of study, far removed from the events that make up our daily lives, local man Barn Thompsen had a run-in with Albert Einstein’s theory of special relativity this morning as he experienced the famous physicist’s Daylight Saving’s Time Shift firsthand.


Keep Checking My Clocks

“I have no idea what time it is,” said Mr. Thompsen, when reached at his condominium this morning as he was making breakfast. “I just keep looking at my clocks over and over trying to figure out if I’m more tired, or if I feel normal. Or if I should go back to bed. It’s really confusing.”

According to the theory of Daylight Savings Time Shift, Mr. Thompsen’s mind is living one hour into the future, while his body is still experiencing the universe as it did an hour earlier. The conflict between these two extremes produces a Doppler effect, in which the person has trouble deciding whether to go to the mall because they have extra energy, or just chill out all day because the extra time in bed made them kind of sleepy.

In this state, a person’s sense of time no longer correlates to measurements made by available scientific instruments, like the LED display on a microwave oven, and he or she must make a determination of what time it ACTUALLY is based on conflicting and incomplete data.


A Small But Important Contribution To Science

Mr. Thompsen, who admits he should have paid more attention in Mrs. Barry’s science class, was glad to hear Einstein had predicted his confusion.

“I know I set my clock right last night, but now I’m not sure if I set the hour ahead or later or whatever,” he said while pouring some syrup on a plate of pancakes. “So this morning I called my friend Reggie to see what he had on his clocks and he just said to use the time on my phone. It’s good to know that what I’m experiencing was predicted by Einstein,” said Mr. Thompsen, “cause otherwise I would be kind of freaked out.”

“I just really hope someday science can find a cure for it.”

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