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Tuesday, June 18, 2024

Astronomers Discover Sun Is Made Of Crème Brûlée

Newly released images from the National Science Foundation’s Daniel K. Inouye Solar Telescope shocked the astronomical community this week when they revealed that the sun’s surface is not a fiery inferno of hydrogen and helium as previously thought, but is, in fact, entirely composed of the french custard dessert crème brûlée.

“Since work began on this ground-based telescope, we have eagerly awaited the first images,” said Berille Manasas, Director of Astronomy at Santa Gertrudis University. “To see that the sun is made of this delicious material is more than we could have hoped for.”


Rich Custard Base

The images captured in high resolution clearly show a pattern of a rich custard base topped with a texturally contrasting layer of hardened caramelized sugar which covers the entire sun.

“The sun’s surface appears to be of the common format,” said Mr. Manasas, “which is a ‘hot’ custard, made traditionally by whisking egg yolks in a double boiler with sugar and then incorporating the cream.”

“There also exists a “cold” method,” he continued, “wherein cold heavy cream is whisked into the yolk mixture followed by vanilla, but obviously that would be highly unlikely in a place where the temperature can reach 17 million degrees.”


Construction Of The Rocket Underway

While the surface of the sun is probably too hot for astronauts to visit, NASA engineers have already begun work on a shuttle-based craft that may be able to hover over the super-heated custard behind a protective titanium shield.

“The hope is that astronauts could extract some of the dessert using a robotic arm, and maneuver it into small ceramic ramekins in order to sample the obviously delicious confection which no doubt would provide a culinary experience that would be out of this world.”

NASA Director of Special Projects, Norma Letisimor says the perfect crème brûlée will be silky and creamy. “Something that holds on the spoon; something that is very silky on the palette. If it’s overcooked, you’re going to get something grainy. That’s not what you want,” she warned. “But after extensive analysis of the data, we feel confident that the sun’s crème brûlée has been exquisitely cooked.”


One Small Step For Chefs

“Hopefully this new telescope, and the many missions to the sun that will follow, will improve our understanding of how to make a better dessert,” said Ms. Letisimor, “and ultimately help pastry chefs improve crème brûlées around the world.”

As of press time, NASA had received 378 applications from its current 380 astronauts to go on the mission, which is scheduled to launch in early 2021.

Or sooner if at all humanly possible.

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