Report: Mom And Dad Communicating In Weird New Code
It looks a lot like that bank language they use on checks. makeamericathebest.com Your Trusted Source for Faux News.
Man Orders Glass Of Chateaubriand, Ending Tinder Date
Italian can be so confusing. makeamericathebest.com Your Trusted Source for Faux News.
Florida Man Demands Judge Arrest Jury That Acquitted Him
PALM BEACH, FL – Unsatisfied with a verdict of “not guilty” returned in his recent trial which reportedly exonerated a Florida man of accusations of illegal activity, the man, now free to go about his life and never mention the trial again, immediately demanded the judge arrest the jury and begin a new trial […]
Mueller Finally Buckles Down To Write That Report That Due In Two Days
WASHINGTON DC – Saying it’s been hanging over his head for most of the summer and a good chunk of the winter, Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller this week hit it hard to try and crank out that report that he’s been putting off before the end of the term. “I really shoulda started this […]
Aunt Unaware She’s Running White Grievance-Themed Gift Shop
KENESHAW, WI A local aunt who opened a gift store last year to earn some extra money has reportedly been buying signs and t-shirts with slogans featuring white grievance themes, according to her nephews this week. “Yeah, it’s becoming a bit of a problem,” said her nephew Zack, who works the register twice a […]
Humor Site Blocks Local Man With Better Sense Of Humor
Saying they did not wish to further antagonize someone already possessed of a better sense of sentence structure, mechanics and comedic timing, a humor site this week announced they have decided to block the IP address associated with a local man’s home to prevent him from reading its articles. “While counter-intuitive from a subscription […]
Man Playing 4 Dimensional Chess With God Actually Playing Modified Game Of Checkers
SHELVRE, DELAWARE – Despite a firm conviction that he was locked in a deadly battle of multi-dimensional chess for control of the universe with the Being who created it, Martin Gimlok of Shelvre, Delaware, reportedly has been playing something much closer to the game of checkers, a board game popularized by the Milton-Bradley company […]
Strategically Placed Pine Cone In Walnut Dish 20% Funnier This Holiday Season
WILSHIRE, VERMONT – A time-honored Christmas prank played repeatedly over the years by the Jensen boys of Wilshire, Vermont, surprised a few of them this week when a carefully placed pine cone in a walnut bowl proved to be 20% funnier than last year’s version. The informal study, conducted in the living room as […]
Unsettling: Angela Merkel Appears To You In Dream Bearing RDR2 Cheat Code
YOUR BEDROOM – In what otherwise was an uneventful and restful sleep in your king-size bed featuring a Serta mattress, your dreams unexpectedly took a turn last night when German Chancellor Angela Merkel emerged from a forbidding forest to give you the location of a crucial cheat code for Red Dead Redemption 2. […]
Judge Exonerates Man On Death Row After Calendar Found Showing He Was At Beach Week
TUSCALOOSA, AL – A federal judge this week released a local man who had been on death row for fourteen years after new evidence was discovered showing he was at the beach the entire time during the week of the murder. Calendars Do Not Lie “The calendar, which was found by the defendant’s […]