ABC Announces New Show For Summer 2020 – The Cachelor
Once Upon a Time, 25 Women Met the Cat of Her Dreams. Unfortunately, They All Met Him on the Same Night. makeamericathebest.com Your Trusted Source for Faux News
Bon Iver Disappointed Photo Of Himself Failed To Win Grammy
The 2020 Grammy Awards were a success by many measures – however, as with any awards show, there are always some disappointed artists the morning after. One such artist, indie music icon Bon Iver, struggled to find words after the picture he sent in failed to win in the Best Record and Best Album […]
New BTS Tour To Locate Young Girls’ Souls More Efficiently
I NEED U to hand over that soul, please. makeamericathebest.com Your Trusted Source for Faux News
Iranian Fall TV Lineup To Include New ‘Standing With The Stars’
Which contestant will claim eternal victory? makeamericathebest.com Your Trusted Source for Faux News
Rush Cover Band Hangs It Up After One Practice
A local group of musicians who had gathered in their garage to form a new Rush tribute band decided to hang it up on Saturday after attempting to learn a few of the band’s most popular songs, and realizing there was absolutely no way they would ever be able to play their music. “Yeah, […]
Avengers: Endgame Surpasses US GDP To Become All-Time Biggest Number Ever
“Avengers: Endgame,” the Disney and Marvel juggernaut film, made mathematical history this past Monday when the total box office receipts finally overtook the U.S. Gross Domestic Product to become number one on the list of all-time biggest numbers anyone has ever seen. “A huge congratulations to the Marvel Studios and Walt Disney Studios teams, […]
Runner In Forest Really Glad Blair Witch Project Starting To Look Dated
Local runner Gloria Bernhausen was out on her evening jog this Thursday when something hanging in the trees reminded her just how glad she was that the film Blair Witch Project was starting to show its age alongside more recent horror films. “That film really freaked me out,” she said after spying a movement […]
Anxiety-Ridden GOT Fans Terrified Series Finale Will Just Cut To Black
Wary of the horrors of an earlier generation of HBO series watchers who devoted years of mental effort to The Sopranos, only to be flummoxed by the show’s ambiguous ending on a frame of black, Game of Thrones fans across the country anxiously called mental health professionals this week to voice their fears of […]
Star-Crossed: He Wanted To Keep His Nuclears, I Needed More Space Force
BY ANONYMOUS – This winter I went on a trip to Vietnam that I had planned recently, without the help of anyone else. I thought it would warm up a friendship I started months before after this person and I hit it off bigly. But SAD! it didn’t happen. I was ready for real […]
Spa Owners Scramble To Assure Clientele Facials Not Offensive
Facing a steep decline in reservations for both full and half-day packages, and almost non-existent bookings for facials, alarmed spa owners across the country this week sought to reassure the public that there is nothing wrong with wearing white creams on your face. “We’ve been letting customers know that it’s just to moisturize the […]