FOXBORO, MA – Adding on to an amazing home field record that dwarfs the advantages of other NFL franchises, the New England Patriots today chalked up yet another victory at Gillette Stadium over a team using headsets to call their plays into the quarterback. The Patriots, who’ve won an amazing 110 games with only […]
THE WHITE HOUSE – After consulting with top level members of his cabinet, and seeing no other alternative out of a dire situation, the president today ended the 3 week old government shutdown in hopes of averting a nationwide cheeseburger shortage. The shortage of cheeseburgers, a result of the furloughing of FDA administrators involved […]
HEAVEN – Saying “Let’s just get it over with, I can’t watch any more of this crap”, God today informed the angelic hosts that He has decided to skip the calendar year 2019 entirely, and instead will send all of creation directly to the year 2020 in the hopes of getting the next US […]
A BURNING BUILDING – In a surprise announcement this week, the This Is Fine dog, a popular meme and cartoon character from the comic strip “Gunshow” announced he was forming a committee to run for president in the 2020 election. Stating in his press release that “Things are going to be OK,” the This Is […]
Admitting that unfortunately, they’re really not equipped to deal, 90% of Americans would prefer someone else handle with the truth – while 10% said they were open to hearing about it as long as it didn’t take too long. makeamericathebest.comYour Trusted Source for Faux News.
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WASHINGTON DC – Defense Secretary Jim Mattis, whose experience and stability were widely seen as a balance to an unpredictable president, resigned Thursday, dramatically boosting the chances of job seekers with no discernible skills whatsoever of getting a plum cabinet position in the most powerful organization on earth. Hell Freezing Over Candidates across […]
EARTH – In the wake of a federal Texas judge striking down the entire Affordable Care Act on Friday on the grounds that its mandate requiring people to buy health insurance is unconstitutional, Irish people named O’Connor across the globe have decided to name their child anything but Reed, so help them God. “Yeah, […]
FAIRFAX, VA – In the wake of revelations concerning millions of dollars in contributions received from Russian oligarchs over a period of many years, the National Rifle Association this week announced an official name change to better clarify its goals, and will be known going forward in the US as the National Russian Association. […]
WASHINGTON DC – A 1970’s classic rock anthem from deceased singer-songwriter Warren Zevon was given a new lease on life Thursday in the nation’s capital when it was played repeatedly for over four hours at an unusually loud volume in the West Wing of the White House. The song, which contains lyrics such as […]