President Orders All Whistles Be Removed From White House

President Orders All Whistles Be Removed From White House

In an effort to curtail what he described as “a fake news outbreak” concerning his activities in office, President Trump today announced several new rules for his administration, including a ban on any and all types of whistles, flutes and other noise-making devices. Also included in the president’s directives: No more listening in No more […]

Poll Finds 70% Of Americans OK With Living In A Banana Republic

Poll Finds 70% Of Americans OK With Living In A Banana Republic

  A new poll released today by a Washington think tank revealed a surprisingly cavalier attitude among Americans toward the state of their government, as 70% of respondents reportedly claimed they didn’t really mind that their country had turned into a banana republic. “Apples, kumquats, who cares?,” said Alexander Rivkin of Norbert, Oregon. “Every fruit […]

Bruce Springsteen Shuts Down US Government, Returns Land To Indians

Bruce Springsteen Shuts Down US Government, Returns Land To Indians

  Frustrated by his country’s inability to get on anything resembling a path to common decency despite decades of effort, singer-songwriter and national treasure Bruce Springsteen used a little known clause in the US Constitution Tuesday to dissolve the United States government, and return the land to its indigenous peoples. “Obviously this has all been […]


New Poll Shows Americans Still Confident Rich People Will Save Them

New Poll Shows Americans Still Confident Rich People Will Save Them

  A new survey released by the non-partisan pollster Statum Finis this week showed that despite the many serious challenges Americans will face in the coming decades, a majority of them are still confident that rich people will ultimately solve all the nation’s problems. “Yeah, it’s pretty daunting to think of all the terrible things […]

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