New Poll Shows Americans Still Confident Rich People Will Save Them

New Poll Shows Americans Still Confident Rich People Will Save Them

  A new survey released by the non-partisan pollster Statum Finis this week showed that despite the many serious challenges Americans will face in the coming decades, a majority of them are still confident that rich people will ultimately solve all the nation’s problems. “Yeah, it’s pretty daunting to think of all the terrible things […]

President Enacts 100% Tariffs On All Countries Everywhere

President Enacts 100% Tariffs On All Countries Everywhere

  Declaring you can never have too much of a good thing, President Trump today announced he will be enacting 100% tariffs on all goods and materials imported from any country, regardless of what the product is, what it’s used for, or where it came from. “For years, we have suffered from terrible trade deals […]

Visitor From Future Confirms: Trump Totally Blamed For Everything

Visitor From Future Confirms: Trump Totally  Blamed For Everything

  A space traveler from earth’s distant future, where human beings dwell in underground caves without sunlight, and subsist on bacteria grown in pools of sulphur, confirmed Tuesday that President Trump will indeed be blamed for all the ills that befall humanity from here on out. “Yep, he’s pretty much blamed for everything,” said the […]

Future Republican Frustrated By Red Marker Coming Across Border

Future Republican Frustrated By Red Marker Coming Across Border

  Exasperated by hours of coloring in which his red marker repeatedly failed to stay on its side of the line, 5-year-old artist and future Republican party member Richie Pemberton complained loudly to his parents about the marker’s violation of the boundary on the page. “Why is this stupid marker always on my side?” he […]


White House Admits War On Irony Only Making Irony Stronger

White House Admits War On Irony Only Making Irony Stronger

  WASHINGTON, DC – After two years of attacks that have depleted the energy reserves of the administration and sown confusion and chaos in its ranks, the White House today called off its war on irony, concluding that the conflict was only making irony more difficult to defeat. “The president has done an excellent job […]

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