WASHINGTON DC – President Donald Trump demonstrated his resolute commitment to reining in trade deficits with China this week by vowing that he would punish American farmers “as long as it takes” until China changes the way it does business with the United States. US Can No Longer Stand Idly By Saying the […]
LOUISVILLE, KY – In a continuation of the turbulent events surrounding the founder of Papa John’s Pizza, John Schnatter, the ex-CEO today followed up his accusation that the beloved icon of the Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise used the “N-word” with claims that Colonel Sanders had been seen sexually cavorting with animals. “Using N-word […]
UNITED STATES – Although the subject of a recent poll is the current President of the United States, a random sampling from across the country revealed that 87% of American children cannot recall who Donald J. Trump is, or why they should even know his name. While the same children remembered small details about […]
OMAHA, NB – The American multinational conglomerate Berkshire Hathaway, headquartered in Omaha, Nebraska, made a surprising discovery this week when one of its accountants realized the company had accidentally purchased the entire state of New Hampshire during a large trade last Tuesday. The transaction, involving several thousand shares of company stock valued at over […]
QUEBEC CITY – Despite repeated coaching from the six other allied leaders on how to form the individual letters that make up the words “Donald Trump”, the US president was unable to sign the joint statement at the end of the G7 summit this week hosted by the Canadian government. “He just wasn’t getting […]
PRINCETON, NJ – Leaving his home recording studio behind to take a long bike ride and look for a good coffee shop, a man leaning on his bicycle with crossed arms decided against busting some ill rhymes this morning after breakfast. “Yesterday I was ready to lay down this new joint, but for some […]
WASHINGTON, DC – Given the fast pace at which the Trump administration has been filling positions on the federal bench, it’s understandable that a mistake could be made somewhere along the line. And so it happened this week as the White House apologized for inadvertently recommending the appointment of an African-American judge to the […]
WASHINGTON DC – The US Treasury announced this week that a new currency called “America First Bucks” has been declared the official monetary unit of the United States of America by order of the President Donald Trump. The president announced the new currency, which will be available in 1, 5, 15, 25 and 65 buck […]
UNITED STATES – Across the country this week, referees, umpires, line judges and other sporting officials on the take expressed their extreme gratitude for the Supreme Court’s landmark decision to legalize sports gambling. “Jackpot!”, said Olaf Jorgenson, who asked that we use a fictitious name out of fear of being fired from his job […]
UNITED STATES – The year 2016 is mostly remembered for the historic US presidential election. But there was another front page news story that has been all but forgotten, and unfortunately, so have its many characters that once made news around the world. Groundbreaking, Then Heart-Breaking Pokèmon Go provided a good living to […]