GREEN BAY, WI – Like many Americans watching the Charlottesville protests on TV, Doug Abelman, an avowed worshiper of Satan, was disgusted by what he saw. However, the demonstrations touched a particularly raw nerve for the Wisconsin resident. “Watching these Nazi clowns mug for the camera while pretending to be the embodiment of all […]
WASHINGTON DC – After claiming to have received phone calls of praise from the head of the Boy Scouts of America and the President of Mexico, President Trump has been feeling bullish about his accomplishments during his first months in office. So it was no surprise when early Wednesday morning, a national treasure and living […]
LEXINGTON, KENTUCKY – For millenia on earth the sun has risen every morning. Stars have come out each night. And ocean waves have crashed upon the shore. And so, too, for three generations of mayflies, the tenure of Anthony Scaramucci in the White House remained a constant presence – a source of comfort in […]
WASHINGTON DC – An otherwise uneventful and pleasant dinner this evening at the White House took a surprising turn toward the bizarre when Batboy, the legendary half-boy half-bat, suddenly appeared in a vision above the president as his daughter Ivanka snapped a photo. The photo, which was tweeted by Ivanka shortly after dinner, shows the […]
WASHINGTON DC – Republican leaders in the House and Senate joined forces today at a press conference on Capitol Hill to issue a joint declaration of support for an embattled fence post that is rotting in a field somewhere. The fence post, which has come under fire repeatedly in recent months for failing to do […]
WASHINGTON, DC – An amendment to the Republican health care plan was introduced today in the Senate, and it included a surprising proposal: reimbursement of cosmetic needs for farm animals. The amendment, dubbed “Lipstick For Pigs,” was proposed as an effort to bring on board Senators from rural states who have otherwise felt ignored. “Members […]
UNITED STATES – There was big news in the automatic voting machine industry this week: a Russian manufacturer has reportedly secured a large contract with several states to supply 1000 voting machines for the upcoming 2018 US midterm elections. The company, Amerikan Voting Machines, has promised to deliver ballot scanners to many of the key […]
LINCOLN, NB – Times may change but the passing of wisdom from older, wiser Americans to the younger generation is a cherished part of American life that never goes out of style. And so it was in Lincoln, Nebraska this week, when 78 year old Horace Landry explained to his 6 year old grandson on […]
WASHINGTON DC – In a brazen attack on the @POTUS Twitter feed last night, a zombie hacker took control of the account in the early morning hours and posted a series of bizarre messages. The messages began appearing at 2:28AM: Although it was unclear who had seized control of the account, there seemed to […]
NEW YORK, NY – On the heels of President Donald Trump’s decision to pull out of the Paris Accords on climate change, some local governments have decided they, too, can pull out of agreements. Namely, the enormous tax subsidies that have allowed the President to amass spectacular wealth on the backs of taxpayers across the […]