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Tuesday, May 21, 2024

Mar-A-Lago Disputes Lax Security, Releases Image Of High Grade Master Padlock


Golf club and national historic landmark Mar-A-Lago in Palm Beach, Florida, today disputed the FBI characterization of lax security around top secret documents, releasing an image of the high grade Master lock used to secure the nation’s most guarded secrets in the basement storage unit where they were kept.

Saying the club owned by the former president of the United States takes the safe-guarding of the country’s most sensitive information very seriously, security director Sam Nogle shared details of the lock used to secure the gate where Top Secret Sensitive Compartmented information was kept in bankers boxes.

Maximum Pry Resistance

“This Master lock was at the high end of the brand’s line of top security devices,” said Mr. Nogel, citing the Master Lock’s No. 1 reinforced laminated steel lock body providing extra strength and hardened steel shackle for excellent cut resistance, as well as dual ball bearings locking for maximum pry resistance, Mr. Nogel emphasized the care in which this lock was chosen.

“Several sites were visited before purchasing the lock,” he said, “and a number were rejected before landing on this particular model,” including combination padlocks and 4-digit locks which are more easily guessed.

Mr. Nogel went on to affirm that at no time was the lock left open except under strict supervision by one of the house staff during cleaning of the storage rooms, necessary plumbing and electrical work, or retrieving memorabilia for the former president to share with his guests in the club dining hall.

“The club spared no expense when we ordered this particular lock,” he said, “knowing that possibly nuclear codes, methods of gathering intelligence against our enemies, and covert CIA contacts could be compromised were a prep cook or housekeeper to open the gate during an unauthorized smoking break downstairs to look around.”

Furthermore, he said, rumors of pre-packaged foods being stored in the same area by the kitchen staff were not accurate. “Mar-A-Lago prides itself on cooking its award-winning meals with the freshest ingredients, and at no time were any canned spaghetti sauces, freeze-dried vegetables, or fish sticks stored there.”

“Or at least, none that I’m aware of,” he said.

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