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CEO Asks Board To Clarify How He Can Be Paid So Much Friggin’ Money

NEW YORK - In an effort to gather more information from his company's board of directors regarding his compensation, a CEO this week sent a...

NASA Launches Spacecraft To Knock Asteroid Into Path Of Earth

  CAPE CANAVERAL -   Saying that Earth's best days are definitely behind her and it was the only responsible thing to do, a group of resigned...

NY Food Critic Savages Local Hospital Cafeteria, Awards It Zero Stars

Declaring that a deadly coronavirus outbreak is no excuse for flavorless eggs and pasty half-cooked bacon, well-known food critic Walter Paerce released a stinging...

Report: Corporation Here For You During This Challenging Fiscal Quarter

Recognizing the nation is encountering tremendous challenges in the face of unprecedented events, we wanted to reach out to let you to know our...

Astronomer Apologizes For Leaving Cherry Lifesaver On Telescope Lens

SANTIAGO, CHILE - A little known astronomer working at the Santiago De Postale Observatory caused a worldwide uproar in the scientific community today when astronomers...

Despite Test Results Doctor No Idea What Wrong With You

  Despite running a battery of tests designed to uncover the cause of your symptoms and identify a treatment plan, your doctor this week reported...

Mars Perseverance Rover Finds Newspaper Warning Of Dire Effects Of Climate Change

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL - Scientists at NASA's Jet Propulsion Lab this week announced the historic discovery by the rover Perseverance of a newspaper clipping on...

Jesus Returns To Earth, Finally Avenges Himself On The Onion

THE EARTH - Vowing to mete out punishment to those responsible for what he called "a pestilence for the ages," Jesus returned to the earth...

Americans Working Harder Than Ever To Pretend They Don’t See UFOs

UNITED STATES - In a big change from what used to be a fairly routine task, Americans are having to put in more and more...

Book Club Decides It’s Actually A Wine Club, Ditches Books Altogether

INDIANAPOLIS, IN - After a year of dutifully meeting each month to discuss the latest New York Times best seller, a local book club on...

Waffle Monster Emerges From The Sea, Will Do Battle With Your Weight Loss Plan

  NAGARIGI BEACH, JAPAN - A terrible roar came from the depths of a little-explored section of the Sea of Japan this morning, as Waffle Monster...

Doctors Say 6-5 Drinks OK For Your Health Mayeb 7

  LOUISVILLE, KY - Doctors at the Louisville Medical Research Center anounced this week that its OK to have 6-5 drinks in a siting and 7...

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