Yearly Archives: 2024
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Doctors Determine ‘Enemy Within’ Is Definitely Three Cheeseburgers Man Had For Lunch
In an article published Tuesday in the medical journal "Diagonosticus", several leading researchers concluded that the 'enemy within' recently identified by Former President Trump...
Americans Looking Forward To Selecting Next Leader Based On Who Has The Most Ad Money
As the 2024 presidential election approaches, Americans are increasingly looking forward to the next round of voting for whichever candidate can raise the highest...
Red Lobster Announces New All-You-Buy Restaurant Equipment Auction
Following on the heels of their recent "all-you-can-eat" shrimp promotion, Red Lobster has announced an unprecedented "all-you-can-buy" restaurant equipment special, inviting customers to purchase...
Local Man Charged $47.32 In Fees To Sit On Jury Of Ticketmaster Antitrust Case
Local man John Stenens, a resident of Los Angeles, was surprised recently to find out that he was being charged $47.32 in fees for...
Local Man Resigned To Paying Wellness Fee Added To Price Of New Car
Local resident Wesley Dimsel was thrilled to find the new car of his dreams at a local dealership. However, as the final paperwork was...
Harrison Butker Offers To Speak At Holocaust Memorial Event
Sensing momentum after his recent successful speaking engagement at the commencement ceremonies for Benedictine University, Kansas City Chiefs Placekicker Harrison Butker on Thursday offered...
Netanyahu Touts Success At Creating Entire Nation Of People Who Want To Kill Israelis
NEW YORK -
In a speech to the United Nations Friday, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel declared victory in his plan to incite...
Cheetos Announces New AI Cheetos
Frito Lay, the snack manufacturer and subsidiary of PepsiCo, announced today that they are releasing a new twist on their classic snack Cheetos with...
CIA Evacuates Al Pacino To Remote Island After Receiving Coded Message ‘Maria The Oppenheimer’
In a surprising turn of events following the 2024 Academy Awards, the CIA reportedly evacuated legendary actor Al Pacino to a remote island in...
AI Fires Missile Toward Russia After Hungry Officer Mistakenly Types In “Launch Order”
QUANTICO, VA -
In a surprising development at CENTCOM Air Force Regional headquarters Tuesday, an AI bot launched a missile toward Russia after Senior Airman...
News Outlet Successfully Repurposes Trump Article From 4 Years Ago Without Changes
In a time-saving move that freed up a substantial portion of his day, journalist David Bleicher of the Daily Cutoff digital news magazine was...
Local Man Concerned Midjourney Girlfriend Seeing Other Subscribers
While scrubbing thru the latest images on a public discord server, local man Steve Grinscheld became concerned on Wednesday after seeing images of a...
Marketing Manager Unaware AI Spending $1 Million Per Minute Running Company’s Ad On Pinterest
Marketing Manager Kevin Milzigren of local skin care products company Skintastics, was blissfully unaware Friday as he aimlessly scrolled thru vacation options in Mexico...
Disney+ Announces New 14-Episode Series Focused On Origin Story Of Baby Greedo
HOLLYWOOD -
In a bid to recapture the popularity of baby Yoda from the prequel series "The Mandalorian," Disney+ announced Tuesday it is moving into...
