UNITED STATES –
In an unexpected development in religious circles this week, forty-seven prominent evangelical pastors signed a letter in support of making payments of $130,000 to porn actresses when absolutely necessary.
“While we don’t agree with everything about paying porn actresses $130,000,” said Marvin Linkwaiter, pastor of the Evangelical Church Of The Armageddon, “we do agree that there are times when it’s appropriate, and in fact, is something God would very much like to see happen.”
Payments Need To Be Selective
The letter, which praised payments to porn stars, said that not all porn stars should be paid $130,000.
“While many porn stars are deserving of these 6 figure checks, it’s important that they are paid only when necessary. For instance, if the porn star calls you and tells you that you had better pay this amount or terrible things will happen to you. Such as your wife reading in the papers that you had sexual relations with a porn star. That would be a great time to make a payment of $130,000.”
Jesus Would Agree
The letter went on to cite biblical evidence in support of paying porn stars $130,000.
“While porn stars were not specifically mentioned in the bible, Jesus said that tax collectors and prostitutes would go into the kingdom of God before the religious leaders of his day. So clearly, when a person is in need of paying a porn star $130,000, Jesus would not have a problem with it. In fact, he’d probably give you a pat on the back for doing it.”
In other news, evangelicals held a special prayer meeting today to pray that they do not need to write any more of these letters.
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