EARTH, OUR SOLAR SYSTEM –
The world collectively injured its jaw Tuesday as it reacted to the appearance of yet another satirical news site on the internet.
Orthopedic surgeon Dr. Martin Barrows of New York’s UCC Congregationalists Hospital, who treated the world, said that it occurred while the world was having coffee and saw an online banner ad for the new site, MakeAmericaTheBest.com. “The patient reported that they clicked on the ad, and upon realizing that it was a link to another satirical news site, involuntarily yawned, and suffered a severe pull of the lower masseter muscle.”
The masseter muscle, which is located midway along the jawline between the ear and chin, is responsible for opening and closing the jaw, and is one of the most powerful muscles in the body. “This is a very strong muscle, and is not one that we typically see injured in this fashion. The patient must have experienced a very wide extension of their jaw during the yawn to injure it in this way.”
Dr. Barrows believes the patient’s brain was likely producing a normal yawn when something triggered the over-extension. “There was probably a sudden realization during the yawn that among the 1 billion websites already in existence, another satirical news site was such a tired idea, that the world’s brain simply overloaded the neurons leading to the jaw.”
“The cure of course is resting the muscle, and to take an anti-inflammatory for pain. I also advised the patient that the next time they see an ad for such a site, to click on a cat video instead. It’s hard to yawn at a good cat video.”
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