President Dismisses HR McMaster, Hires HR PufnStuf to Oversee National Security

President Dismisses HR McMaster, Hires HR PufnStuf to Oversee National Security

  THE PENTAGON – After a tumultuous year working with General HR McMaster as National Security Advisor, President Trump announced he would be replacing him with TV personality and tactician HR Pufnstuf. Let’s see how they compare.   H.R. McMaster United States Army Lieutenant General and Former National Security Advisor to President Donald Trump.   […]

Fears On The Right Justified As Cultural Marxists Infiltrate Government

Fears On The Right Justified As Cultural Marxists Infiltrate Government

  WASHINGTON DC – Although he was fired from his job at the National Security Council for a memo detailing the “deep state conspiracy by Cultural Marxists,” ex-director of strategic planning Rich Higgins proved prescient in his predictions this week when several Marxists were discovered to have infiltrated the highest ranks of government. The accused […]

Bone Spur Attack Forces President To Abandon Gun Legislation

Bone Spur Attack Forces President To Abandon Gun Legislation

WASHINGTON DC – In an unfortunate case of a chronic medical condition shaping US domestic policy, an ill-timed bone spur attack has thwarted President Trump’s pursuit of gun legislation to save the children of our nation’s schools. “Oh boy, these are some bad ones,” the president said. “Really bad – I mean these are terrible […]

Local Man Worried Smart Phone May Be Giving Him Commands

Local Man Worried Smart Phone May Be Giving Him Commands

  SAN FRANCISCO, CA – After a busy day of sight-seeing this week in the famous “City By The Bay,” college student and part-time barista Riley Kraner was reviewing the pictures he took on his smart phone while eating dinner, when he noticed something strange. “I had gone through a guidebook the night before in […]

Trump Declares Would Not Have Been Afraid During Normandy Invasion

Trump Declares Would Not Have Been Afraid During Normandy Invasion

WASHINGTON DC – Although critics expressed skepticism of the president’s claims of bravado earlier this week during a press conference over the school shooting in Parkland, Florida, President Trump bolstered his case for bravery today by sharing several more potential scenarios in which he would have acted with extreme valor during events that happened in […]

FBI Uncovers Shark Plot To Overthrow US Government

FBI Uncovers Shark Plot To Overthrow US Government

WASHINGTON DC – In what is believed to be the first plot ever by an aquatic species to topple the United States government by force, the FBI announced today that they had foiled a plan by sharks to take over the White House and install a new shark dictator. The plan, which was outlined in […]

Hawaiian Civil Defense Worker Blames Candy Crush For False Alarm

Hawaiian Civil Defense Worker Blames Candy Crush For False Alarm

  HONOLULU, HA – A Hawaiian civil defense worker who mistakenly clicked a button alerting millions of island residents that the arrival of an incoming ballistics missile was imminent, apologized today and said playing the popular internet game Candy Crush was likely responsible for her inadvertent action.   I Am So Addicted To That Game […]


Evangelicals Sign Letter In Support Of $130,000 Payments To Porn Actresses

Evangelicals Sign Letter In Support Of $130,000 Payments To Porn Actresses

  UNITED STATES – In an unexpected development in religious circles this week, forty-seven prominent evangelical pastors signed a letter in support of making payments of $130,000 to porn actresses when absolutely necessary. “While we don’t agree with everything about paying porn actresses $130,000,” said Marvin Linkwaiter, pastor of the Evangelical Church Of The Armageddon, […]

Obama Decides To Leave Ex-Presidents, Embarks On Solo Career

Obama Decides To Leave Ex-Presidents, Embarks On Solo Career

  WASHINGTON, DC – Citing “creative differences” and a need to explore new territory, President Obama this week announced he was leaving the Ex-Presidents, a group that has been his main focus for the past year, to pursue personal projects. “I have really enjoyed my time with the guys and am proud of the things […]