White House Announces Cigarettes Are Good For You

White House Announces Cigarettes Are Good For You

  WASHINGTON, DC – Chafing under years of scientific reporting on the catastrophic effects that cigarette smoking has on human health, President Trump today announced that “contrary to what fake news would have you believe, cigarettes are definitely not bad for your health. In fact, they are actually very good for you.” Smoking his way […]

President Announces Plan To Send Tiny Astronauts To The Moon

President Announces Plan To Send Tiny Astronauts To The Moon

WASHINGTON DC – Saying he has long been searching for a way to further the cause of space exploration while keeping his promise to cut the federal budget in half, President Trump announced today that he had found a solution for NASA. The answer: tiny astronauts.   Tiny Astronauts Do Not Take Up Much Room […]

Doctors Say 6-5 Drinks OK For Your Health Mayeb 7

Doctors Say 6-5 Drinks OK For Your Health Mayeb 7

  LOUISVILLE, KY – Doctors at the Louisville Medical Research Center anounced this week that its OK to have 6-5 drinks in a siting and 7 is OK to. The doctors were surorunded by lots of equipmint and test tubse, and said they had been done a lot of studying and they say its OK […]

Millennials Agree Via Text To Replicate Species And Save Human Race

Millennials Agree Via Text To Replicate Species And Save Human Race

  EARTH – Humankind was saved from impending extinction on Thursday when Millennials around the globe agreed via text that they would set down their phones long enough to do what was necessary to procreate. The agreement, which started via Snapchat, migrated to WhatsApp and was finalized in SMS, outlined the terms of Millennial participation […]

Scientists Announce Breakthrough: Triple Frosty Nerds Now A Reality

Scientists Announce Breakthrough: Triple Frosty Nerds Now A Reality

STANFORD UNIVERSITY – Scientists stunned the confectionery world today by announcing that after years of effort, which exacted a terrible personal toll on the researchers involved, they had finally succeeded in producing a Triple-Frosty Nerd in the laboratory. The team of researchers, led by Dr. Anton Scopashurli, had been working around the clock for almost […]


Climate Scientists Discover Abominable Snowman, Battle To The Death

Climate Scientists Discover Abominable Snowman, Battle To The Death

ANTARCTICA – Climate scientists at the Far South Polar Expeditionary Station were just getting started with their seasonal ice core drilling this week, when they accidentally became party to a life-and-death struggle with an infamous and fearsome creature. The research team was 100 miles inland from the Ross Ice Shelf on a scientific mission to […]