A consortium of developers in Palm Beach, Florida, this week announced their intention to open an exclusive club for the well-to-do in an upscale area of the city that they expect to be almost completely submerged in sea water by the year 2035. The group’s spokesperson, Angelique Veronika, said developers plan to acquire the […]
SANTIAGO, CHILE – A little known astronomer working at the Santiago De Postale Observatory caused a worldwide uproar in the scientific community today when astronomers mistook his red lifesaver candy on the lens of a powerful telescope for an image of a black hole billions of miles away. “You’ve got be kidding me,” said […]
As bees everywhere continue to dwindle in numbers as part of their master plan to starve the human race, a local bee said he was looking forward to seeing the dinosaurs finally return once humans are extinct. “Humans have really botched things up big time,” said the bee, who declined to be named out […]
A man pouring cereal into a bowl for his daughter this week stunned the scientific community when his guesstimate of roughly 2/3 of a cup of Captain Crunch was transfered within a tolerance of .0001 microns, a precision previously only achieved in a laboratory using highly technical instruments costing millions of dollars. The local […]
Despite running a battery of tests designed to uncover the cause of your symptoms and identify a treatment plan, your doctor this week reported he pretty much stymied as to what kind of issues you got. The in-depth exam, which included MRIs, an EEG, an EKG and X-Rays, failed to yield any clues about […]
LABRADOR, SCOTLAND – Researchers working around the clock to crack the code of human existence have released their findings this week, stating that there is, in fact, no escape from the hellscape we inhabit called “being alive” except for a most likely painful and distressing death when the body will return to its primordial […]
NEWPORT CANYON, CO – While astrophysics might seem like a remote field of study, far removed from the events that make up our daily lives, local man Barn Thompsen had a run-in with Albert Einstein’s theory of special relativity this morning as he experienced the famous physicist’s Daylight Saving’s Time Shift firsthand. Keep Checking […]
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL – Scientists at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Lab this week announced the historic discovery by the rover Perseverance of a newspaper clipping on Mars, proving that intelligent life once inhabited the red planet. The article, which detailed dire warnings of climate change that would soon engulf Mars in a hellish dust storm […]
BERN, SWITZERLAND – Astrophysicists who have been working for decades to define the shape of the universe released their findings today in the journal Astroscience, revealing that it is the exact shape of an iPhone 7s. “We were as surprised an anyone,” said the lead technician on the project, Professor Luken Balden. “But the […]
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