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Tuesday, May 21, 2024

Billionaires Release New Theory of Relativity


In a response to the clamoring of Americans for a better theory of relativity, a group of billionaires has released a new theory to replace that of famous physicist and mathematician Albert Einstein.

The billionaires collaborating on the new theory, a diverse group that reportedly included Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, and Mark Zuckerburg, announced their replacement theory at the George C. Parker School of Economics near the Princeton University Campus. “We are excited today to bring this new theory of relativity to the American people” said spokesperson Nita Calmus, Physics Chair at the Parker School.

“I think the original theory of relativity was OK” said IT worker Marcus Greeps, of Ann Arbor, Michigan, who drove across country to attend the announcement, “but it’s been around for what, 20 years? It was time for a new theory and I’m glad that our country’s best minds are on it.” After the announcement, Mr. Greeps carefully examined the new billionaire theory of relativity which was projected on a screen at the front of the room and signaled his approval. “Looks great” he said, nodding.

Said Ms. Calmus after the presentation, “of course, like any important discovery, the new theory of relativity will be subject to review over the coming months, and the working group is looking forward to the critique of their peers, just as soon as a university can be found that has a faculty of billionaires.”


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