World
Netanyahu Touts Success At Creating Entire Nation Of People Who Want To Kill Israelis
NEW YORK -
In a speech to the United Nations Friday, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel declared victory in his plan to incite...
Navlany Dead From Natural Causes Of Being Shot In Head And Pushed Out 5th Story Window Says Kremlin
MOSCOW -
Officials in Moscow released the results of the investigation into the death of Alexei Navalny on Friday, which revealed the Russian activist...
Kool-Aid Salesman Says Country’s Only Problem Is Not Drinking Enough Kool-Aid
You can never have too much of a good thing.
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Man Who Cried Nuclear War Certain Villagers Will Save Him When Nuclear War Starts
Surely they will come to my aid when I'm in trouble.
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Hitler Misses Poland, Accidentally Invades Ukraine
If at first you don't succeed, try genocide again.
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China And Russia Announce Axis Of Undecipherable Alphabets
We will л馬ав马фи́т you.
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Battle Against Coronavirus Reminds President Of Time He Invaded Normandy Beach
WASHINGTON DC -
While critics have questioned the president's grasp of the seriousness of the Coronavirus pandemic, President Trump today put to rest any doubt...
Antarctica Closes Borders During Pandemic, Fires Warning Shot Across Bow Of Cruise Ship
"Come back and see us next Leap Day!"
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Only Copy Of Evil Plans Destroyed In Missile Attack
The United States breathed a sigh of relief Tuesday at it became apparent that the only copy of an Iranian general's evil plan to...
Kid Playing With Matches Given More Matches
Providing badly needed jobs for fire fighters everywhere.
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Republicans Reveal Cold War Was Just Big Misunderstanding
UNITED STATES -
Although the period after World War II beginning with the Truman doctrine of 1947 and ending with the fall of the Berlin...
Study Finds 95% Of Cats Are Better Read Than Their Owners
DEPAW UNIVERSITY -
Using advanced imaging techniques applied to billions of cat photos and videos on the internet, researchers at Depaw University this week made...
Jesus Returns To Earth, Finally Avenges Himself On The Onion
THE EARTH -
Vowing to mete out punishment to those responsible for what he called "a pestilence for the ages," Jesus returned to the earth...
Grim Reaper Thinking Over This Whole Halloween Thing
EARTH -
The Grim Reaper, aka the Angel of Death, usually takes time out from his busy schedule at this time of year to make...
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