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Thursday, June 13, 2024

Greek Gods Relinquish Mount Olympus to Trump Cabinet


Saying that they had no wish to battle such a formidable foe, the all-powerful Gods of Ancient Greece have decreed that they will forever relinquish their mountain top fortress to the incoming cabinet members of the new Trump administration.

From their perch on Mount Olympus, the Gods have watched over mankind and his foibles for millennia, sometimes meddling in human affairs, but mainly choosing to watch from afar.

Possessors of awesome power who controlled the weather, produced earthquakes, could run like the wind, become invisible, and change into any form they desired, these immortal beings commanded animals to do their bidding, and summoned tempests from the sea.

Still, said Zeus, they had no wish to tangle with the president-elect’s handpicked advisors. “While we have smote many kingdoms thru the centuries with a simple flick of our finger, and crushed the most powerful armies known to history, we have decided to relinquish our mountain citadel to the new incoming Trump cabinet” the surprise press release stated on Friday.

“Myself, Hera, Hercules, Hermes, and all the other Gods will leave Mount Olympus forever on Monday at midnight.”

Trump supporter and media consultant Meronica Jefferson said she was not surprised as the Trump cabinet was shaping up to be a formidable force to reckon with. “If people like Ben Carson, Betsy De Vos and Jeff Sessions do not strike fear into your hearts, then you just aren’t paying attention.”

In other news, sources have confirmed that a global thermo-nuclear war predetermined by Zeus 3000 years ago to begin this week, is scheduled to start on-time Tuesday at 9am.


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