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Sunday, July 14, 2024

President Concedes Chief Strategist Bannon Must Be An Imbecile


Disclosures by the White House Friday, which exposed the assets of as many as 180 senior officials to public scrutiny, forced the President of the United States to face a difficult reality early this morning: his Chief Strategist, Steven Bannon, was worth less than 50 million dollars.

“I was very surprised to learn that Steve had so little net worth,” said the President. “I mean, if you had asked me, I would have pegged his net worth much higher. Much, much higher,” said the shrugging President. “I would have said a billion at least.”

President Trump then conceded that despite outward appearances, his trusted advisor was most likely an idiot. “To find out that he is not that smart, well, it is surprising.”

The report showed the assets and wealth of senior staff members at the time they entered government service, revealing Chief Strategist Bannon’s net worth was much lower than many of the other Trump cabinet members. It was perhaps even as low as 20 million dollars.

“I have shirts that are worth more than 20 million dollars” said the President shaking his head.

Asked if he would be more likely to follow advice from cabinet members with a higher personal net wealth, such as Education Secretary Betsy De Vos who is in line to inherit the 5 billion dollar Amway fortune, President Trump said he would listen to the smartest people. “I value all my cabinet members. But of course I would listen most carefully to those who are more intelligent. So, yes, I would probably take the advice of Betsy De Vos 9 times out of 10 over Steve.”


Going On The Offensive

Not one to sit idly by, President Trump took to Twitter railing against the White House:

However, later in the day, President Trump became more philosophical about the news. “Sometimes you think someone is very smart – they have very good words – and you just assume they know what they are talking about.”

“Later on, maybe you find out that’s not the case,” said the President, looking right thru Mr. Bannon who happened to enter the room as the President spoke. “But when you find out they are not as smart as you thought they were, that’s a good thing. Because you can look back on what they said and do the opposite.”

“You can learn a lot from the advice of someone who is so dumb.”


Very Relieved

The President was, however, relieved to find out that son-in-law Jared Kushner was fairly intelligent. “Jared’s net worth is somewhere in the 700 million dollar range,” the President stated. “That is someone I can at least listen to.”


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