26.4 C
Thursday, June 13, 2024

Three Generations Of Mayflies Remember Life Under Press Secretary Scaramucci


For millenia on earth the sun has risen every morning. Stars have come out each night. And ocean waves have crashed upon the shore. And so, too, for three generations of mayflies, the tenure of Anthony Scaramucci in the White House remained a constant presence – a source of comfort in an unpredictable world.

The Mayfly family, members of a species that live for only 36 hours, took a look back with Make America The Best, and remembered how Anthony Scaramucci formed the backdrop to their lives as the White House Communications Director.


The Early Days

William Thomas Mayfly, who was born the same day that Mr. Scaramucci became the head of communications, knew something important had happened. “I didn’t know much about the world at the time I heard of his appointment, but I knew there was something about this guy, that he was going to be around a long time. He just had a presence.” And indeed, Anthony Scaramucci would remain the White House Director of Communications throughout William Mayfly’s life.

A frequent topic of conversation along US Highway 127, where Mr. Mayfly spent his life mating with other mayflies, Mr. Scaramucci was ever-present. “It’s funny. We live our lives hearing about famous people, and after awhile, you kind of feel like you know them. They are like family in a way. That’s how we felt about The Mooch.”

Mr. Mayfly remembered how sad he felt when he heard that Sean Spicer had resigned. “It was several hours later, and I was flying past a birch log. I had grown up a lot in the preceding few hours, and wasn’t surprised to hear that Spicer was leaving. But I was sorry to see him go. He was very entertaining.”

However, time marches on, and William Thomas Mayfly Jr., whom the family calls “Junior”, was soon born a few hours later. “I intended to name our child Anthony in honor of The Mooch,” said Mr. Mayfly, “but to be honest I live my life in a swarm of reproductive frenzy, so it’s hard to stay on task.”


A Death, A Birth, A Tweet

His mating completed, William Thomas Sr. soon passed away, and William Jr. was by his father’s side when he died.

“It was Saturday. Twitter users had begun digging up The Mooch’s old Tweets, and they were not complimentary to the president. My father had fallen ill, and when I told him about the Tweets, he talked about the early part of his life. How he was just starting his life’s journey the day before, when Anthony Scaramucci started leading the communications department. He felt a real bond with The Mooch. It was very moving.”

Life went on for William Jr., as it did for the White House Communication’s director. When Junior began his mating dance 12 hours later, Mr. Scaramucci’s second wife was just giving birth. “I was mating with a female and we were discussing the fact that The Mooch wasn’t at his second wife’s side. Of course, they were estranged. But it was a bitter sweet moment for me, because I knew I would not be at the birth of my son who would be dropped into a lake as an egg later that day. It makes you think, you know?”


A Third Generation Remembers The Mooch

The next day, Junior’s son William Thomas Mayfly III was born. But there was not much time for reflection, since Junior dropped dead soon after.

William the Third, or “Threes” as he was known by his family, was a bit of a rascal. He identified with Mr. Scaramucci’s wild side. “When I was 3 hours old, we heard about the interview with Ryan Lizza. I didn’t know what some of the words meant, but a few hours later when I was old enough to understand, I kind of identified with the rebellious nature of The Mooch. I mean, not many of us would have the balls to say the nation’s Chief Strategist is “trying to suck [his] own cock”. It was very energizing.

“Threes” went on to lead a life of debauchery in the next few hours, mating with every female mayfly he could catch. “I lived my life like I imagine the Mooch would, if he were a mayfly. Carpe Diem, am I right?” William Thomas III, the third generation to live in the Mooch era, danced like no mayfly before him, and sired many a mayfly egg into the local pond.


Another Generation Passes, but the Mooch Endures

His mission fulfilled, the end was near for “Threes”. As he lay dying on a twig after a vigorous courtship dance, he reflected on all The Mooch had meant to him:

“Anthony Scaramucci has been the White House Communications Director for as long as I can remember. And he will be there long after I am gone. When I first became aware that there was a White House, it was because of The Mooch. When I thought of our government, it was The Mooch’s face I saw. His employment in the White House is timeless. Like the stars in the sky, he will always be there, abiding, enduring, endless. Long live The Mooch. Ughhhhhhh…..”

Long live The Mooch indeed.


Your Trusted Source for Faux News

Great Mother's Day Gift Ideas

Is your mom an outdoorsy type? A book lover? A fashion fan? Show her you pay attention to her interests using these helpful gift suggestions tailored to her personality.