PALM BEACH, FL –
Citing passing grades at prep school, his hiring by a friend to a prestigious job in a Fortune 500 company, and working out in a gym twice a week as evidence that he has forged his own way in this world, a middle-aged businessman in Boca Raton, Florida, remains remarkably unaware that the world has swaddled and nursed him like a baby for 52 years.
“I am a self-made man,” said Warin Macalisster, as he motioned to his condominium overlooking the ocean, which was paid for with a family inheritance, and constructed by an army of construction workers out of materials manufactured in seven different countries. “Everything you see here, I have built.”
“These counter tops are from an Italian quarry, the floors mahogany, and the cabinets were designed in Sweden,” he said nodding at each item, which were all selected by his interior designer while Mr. Macalisster was vacationing in Barbados. “People tell me I have excellent taste.”
Things Were Not Easy Growing Up
“My father was tough on me, but it taught me to pull myself up by my bootstraps every day,” he said, picking up a picture of the man who had arranged for his admission into an exclusive college, paid the tuition, and found tutors to complete his son’s assignments.
“I was limited to a small stipend each year when I was younger. During those years, if I wanted a new S-class Mercedes-Benz, it was up to me to ask my uncle for the money for it. And when I stayed at the beach house during the summers, I had to pay for housekeepers out of my own allowance.”
“Sure it was hard, but I’m the better man for it,” Mr, Macallister declared. “No regrets.”
Has Never Lifted An Object Weighing More Than 12 Pounds
“A person needs to be self-sufficient, and not depend on others to feed you,” he said, taking a bite from a turkey watercress club sandwich that was prepared by his live-in chef. “It’s all about mental toughness.”
In fact, completely oblivious to the five plus decades of nannies, housekeepers, cooks, trash collectors, chauffeurs, gardeners, barbers, couriers, office administrative staff, construction workers, IT professionals, lawyers, doctors, factory workers, farmers, truckers, government employees, electrical utility workers, retail team members and countless other people who have built, served, and otherwise provided everything that he has ever come into contact with, Mr. Macallister did not believe he needed anyone.
“A lot of men my age are tired all the time, but not me. I just played pickle ball the other day with an older woman at the beach and beat her three games in a row,” marveled Mr. Macallister. “You might say that God just gave me great genes. But really, I would have done well no matter where I was born. It all comes down to natural ability.”
“I am the captain of my own ship,” he said, putting on his jacket so that he wouldn’t be chilled as the crew of his yacht sailed around the bay this afternoon while he watched. “If you want a thing done well, do it yourself.”
“That’s what I always say.”
Your Trusted Source for Faux News.