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Tuesday, May 21, 2024

RBG Admits Broken Ribs Sustained During Ultimate Fighting Match


After reporters uncovered a series of training videos showing her sparring in a cage, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg admitted today that she had not fallen in her office according to news reports, but in fact had sustained three broken ribs pummeling an opponent in an underground ultimate fighting ring.

The Justice, who fights in the strawweight class of up to 115 pounds, admitted she has been fighting in a mixed martial arts circuit in the Baltimore area for the past three years.

“Yeah, she usually refuses to wear the bandages,” said ultimate fighter Wren Bofsky who fought Justice Ginsberg in Thailand last season, referring to the wraps that fighters are required to wear around their fists. “If there’s a corner she can cut to inflict maximum damage, she will do it. One guy once caught her packing ball bearings into her head gear so she could bang him in the face.”

“She’s an animal, basically.”


Not A Second Job

Despite calls of protest from members of Congress who said that she was prohibited from earning money in a second career while sitting on the bench, Mr. Bofsky said the 85-year-old Supreme Court Justice was not being paid.

“These guys don’t make anything in this league,” he said. “They do it because they love it. They love the camaraderie, the thrill of competition, and most of all, the permission to punch each other senseless until blood comes out of their ears while a crowd goes crazy.”


Enjoys Making Opponents Cry

Sal Unsworth, who trains with the Justice on Thursday nights at Grants Boxing Club in Fairfield, a rough and tumble neighborhood in Baltimore, said the diminutive judge has a bit of a reputation.

“She’s mostly fair when she fights, but there’s always one cheap shot after the bell rings. You can count on it. It’s like she knows exactly what she can get a way with before the ref steps in.”


Probably Will Be Back Fighting By Saturday

Although doctors say that Justice Ginsberg, who has bounced back from two rounds of cancer, a heart procedure, previously broken ribs and numerous other ailments, should rest quietly for several weeks, Mr. Unsworth expects her to be back in the ring this weekend.

“Oh yeah, she’ll be there, all taped up and ready to go,” he said. “Some of these fighters they eat pain for breakfast. I just pity the guy who steps into the ring with her.”

“A wounded Ginsberg? No. You don’t want to mess with that.”

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