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Thursday, February 29, 2024

White House Scales Back Wall Proposal, Eliminates Catapults

 
WASHINGTON DC –

In the interest of forging a compromise with Democrats on the wall between Mexico, the White House announced this week that they are removing a provision calling for 2,500 catapults that were meant to defend the wall against invading immigrants in the event of a siege.

“We are being more than generous”, the president Tweeted early Saturday morning. “Catapults are a necessary part of any wall defense, but since the lying Democrats and Nancy Pelosi will not pass a fully funded defense, we will have to leave the catapults out. SAD!”

However, the president went on to say that the proposal “will still include a moat, boiling oil that we can pour from ramparts, and lots of cool places to shoot crossbows from.”

Political pundit Ann Coulter immediately attacked the president for being a coward, and retweeted a statement from an industry trade group for wooden cataults calling this: “a dark day for the United States, and the hard-working men and women of this country who produce medieval fortifications made of wood.”

The bill is expected to pass the Senate on a voice vote.

 
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