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Tuesday, May 21, 2024

Attack On Socialism Prompts Millions Of Teens To Google How To Become Socialist


During his State Of The Union address, the president’s impassioned plea for Americans to reject the evils of socialism triggered an unexpected response Tuesday as millions of teens across the country immediately searched the internet for the fastest way to become one.

Seth Granula who oversees keyword traffic at Google’s headquarters in Mountain View, California, reported a 7,300% increase in the appearance of the search phrase “how can I be socialist?” “I don’t recall ever seeing such a high spike for one particular series of characters,” he said. “It was as if 14 million humans went directly from the TV to the nearest Google search engine in unison, and typed in the exact same words.”

While socialism as a political movement has long had a stigma in the US, studies have shown it’s becoming more acceptable among young people. Sixteen year-old Sam Spraeder, who lives in Oakfield, Utah, said he looked it up the minute he heard the president say the word. “As soon as I can move out of my parent’s basement, I am going to take up smoking, get a car, and find out how the hell to become whatever that guy said.” While most of his waking hours are spent on schoolwork and his job at the local bowling alley, sources say Mr. Spraeder is very much looking forward voting in the 2020 election, and will call in sick if necessary to vote for the socialist ticket, just as soon as he can find out what voting for the socialist ticket is.

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