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Thursday, February 22, 2024

Local Man Who Thought He Saw Satan On TV Relieved It Sebastian Gorka

RUBERGH, IN –

A local farmer in Rubergh, who was startled Wednesday morning by the sight of the Anti-Christ speaking to the nation on TV, was relieved to find out later it was only the Deputy Assistant to the President, Sebastian Gorka.

Hank Willmer was passing thru his kitchen Wednesday morning on his way to tend to the cows when he happened to glance at a news program on TV in the breakfast nook. There he came face to face with what looked like Lucifer, Lord of Evil, responding to some questions being asked by a reporter on a network newscast.

“I kind of froze in my tracks, because frankly with all the turmoil in the country, it seemed to kind of make sense for a minute that Satan could be on TV telling us what was going to happen next. And this feller he looked every inch the part. He sounded so smooth, like he could talk you into anything because he was a million times smarter than you’ll ever be. And he had this weird accent, too. And the kind of beard that Satan would probably have. I hollered to the missus who was in the other room to come and look quick. But she said it was just a guy from Breitbart news who was working for Trump and not to worry.”

Sebastian Gorka, a national security expert and former editor at Breitbart News, who is now the Deputy Assistant to President Donald Trump, is not Satan. According to Wikipedia, he is the son of Paul and Susan Gorka who escaped from Communist Hungary during the 1956 Hungarian Revolution, and was born and raised in the U.K.

“I was very relieved to find out that he was not the Devil”, said Mr. Willmer. “Not that it would surprise me, because of course if he came to earth the first place he would appear is on the liberal media. But all the same, I was glad it was only this Gorka feller.”

Mr. Willmer, who went on to finish some adjustments on the milking equipment that morning in the barn, was nonetheless relieved not to see Mr. Gorka on TV when he came back into the house. “I guess it was just because of my initial impression of him, that maybe he was The Almighty Prince of Darkness – well, it was alright with me to see Matt Lauer on the screen when I came in.”

When asked whether it gave him pause that Mr. Gorka, whose parents fled communism to seek asylum during the Hungarian revolution and benefited greatly by being welcomed to the UK, is now defending US policy to turn away people in the same desperate situation, Mr. Willmer said he wasn’t worried. “If that guy was really the Devil, he would never have settled for Deputy of whatever he is. Obviously, if the Devil came to earth and wanted to take over America, he would make himself President.”