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Tuesday, June 18, 2024

President Trump Assures Americans Nuclears Not That Big A Deal


In response to escalating concerns about the possibility of a nuclear war with North Korea, President Trump reached out today to assure Americans that there was nothing to worry about. “Folks, don’t believe the fake media – the nuclears are not that big a deal,” the President said.

Speaking from his vacation home in Mar-A-Lago estate in Palm Beach, Florida, President Trump set Americans straight on how dangerous nuclear weapons were to humans. “They are like big bombs – very destructive – but they are just bombs.”


Blown Out Of Proportion

“The news media blows the nuclears way out of proportion,” he continued. “If you go to Hiroshima or Nagasaki today, you can have a nice dinner and see a nice city. In many ways, the Americans did them a favor by dropping the bomb on them. They got to rebuild, and they are even better than before. You can even have a Trump steak in one of the restaurants there. Trump steaks are very popular in Hiroshima.”

Although the bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, which killed upwards of 200,000 innocent people, pale in comparison to the nuclear weapons of today, which carry a destructive force 3,000 times greater, President Trump was sanguine about the possible consequences of a nuclear war.

“We have the greatest military in the world – bar none. The best. And if there was a nuclear war, they could easily minimize any destruction big league. It would be just a few people killed probably. I don’t know, maybe 100 people. Maybe 95 people. We are that good.”


Nobody Will Be Killed

“They can target the nuclears so precisely, there may not even be anyone killed”, said the President. “I mean, they can send the nuclears in thru someone’s front door – that’s how good we can target them,” the President said.

“And the radiation – that’s another thing. People use microwaves every day and never have a problem. And sunscreen can help. Again, fake news media blows that way out of proportion. Radiation can be very helpful and is not that dangerous.”

“Really, I’m surprised that people are that bent out of shape about it. Maybe if we had a small nuclear war, people would think it’s a good thing.”


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