WASHINGTON DC –
In a triumph for the ruling Red Party of the United States, congress today passed a law that will redistribute money from wealthier blue states to less well-off areas of the country using a new “double-taxation” act.
Under the law, capitalists in blue states will be taxed on taxes they are already paying to their local governments. This money will be collected and sent to states where the socialist red party is in control to be distributed as those states see fit.
Proletariats in the Red Party region rejoiced at the new income redistribution plan.
Long Overdue
“My comrades and I have been working toward this day for a long time,” said Red Party spokesman Sergei Ivanov. “Now finally the workers of the red state region will receive their just due from the fat capitalists who have been profiting in the blue state region.”
“No longer will the bourgeoisie in blue states hoard their money in local governments to pay for their roads, bridges and schools. The Red Party today has enacted measures to ensure that wealth will be shared with all people of the United States – not just those who earn it.”
Long Overdue
Although the Blue Party controls large areas of the country, they do not have enough representation in the congress to stop the measures.
“This kind of socialist system will stifle private business and hurt the economic well-being of the nation,” said Blue Party spokesman Ralph Smith. “The people of the blue state region work hard for their money – it is un-American to double-tax them on their earnings to send that money to the red state region.”
Comrade Putin Approves
In Russia, President Vladimir Putin welcomed this step forward for the United States Red Party. “Is good plan,” he was quoted as saying. “Workers must share in the wealth of blue states. This is more equitable system.”
The President hoped that the Red Party would now be free to turn their attention to the media companies who have run rampant throughout the blue state region, causing problems for the nation.
“The blue states have too many powerful media companies,” he went on to say. “Is problem for the United States. But I know Comrade Trump is well aware of this problem. And I think he will fix it very well.”
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