BARNSTABLE, MA –
Smashing the previous record of thirteen texts set during his vacation last year, a local man who received a twenty-third text from his boss since he left the office last Thursday, on what was supposed to be a relaxing two week break, has decided he will not be returning to work.
Retiring This Boss
Although the boss will send repeated texts in coming days asking why he hasn’t responded, and will call his phone multiple times at night hoping to finally reach him, the man will be firing his boss before his vacation is over.
“I’m afraid I’ve got to let him go,” said the man as he turned off his phone’s ringer.
“Last year he called me a bunch of times while I was on a camping trip, but I had just signed up for the softball team at the office and was looking forward to playing, so I hung in there. But unfortunately he’s going to have to fend for himself now. Twenty-three is just not working for me.”
Call Me Or Else
The boss, who has no idea what the man does at work but understands that it is key to his own success, moved quickly to threats when his messages failed to get thru.
“I will be seriously reconsidering what your place is in this company if you don’t call me back,” read one message. And later, “I have a lot of qualified people sending me resumes every day that I would like to hire. Call me now.”
However, as panic set in, the boss began alternating between begging the man to call (“Please, please, please call. I really need your help“) and cursing him (“Call me you piece of s#*t!“).
Glad His Mom Encouraged Him To Go Into IT
“I think I’ll take a few weeks off after the vacation before I start looking for a job,” said the man, who has a degree in computer programming and is proficient in several coding platforms.
“My mom always said if I learned about computers, I would never want for work. She was absolutely right,” he said as a text appeared on his screen saying “OK. Do you need a raise? Because I think we can work something out.”
“Companies are always looking to hire someone who can write code. And frankly, my boss was kind of getting on my nerves anyway,” he said as another text message came in filled with expletives. “At least I think he was my boss – it was hard to tell what he did really.”
“But I do have to say, he sure is good at sending text messages” the man said, as he set his phone on ‘do not disturb’.
Your Trusted Source for Faux News