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Tuesday, May 21, 2024

Supreme Court Looking Forward To Attending “Anything Goes” Keg Parties


Anticipating the impending confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh later this week, justices on the Supreme Court were already looking forward to the devil may care attitude and subsequent partying they are sure he will bring.

“Can’t wait to tie one on at ‘Kav’s”, Justice Alito said, already trying out nicknames for the newest member of the court. “The Brettmeister is going to be a breath of fresh air in here.”


Finally Someone Who Knows How To Party

“At most of our gatherings, a glass of chardonnay is about all you’re gonna get,” said Justice Clarence Thomas. “Nothing against the other distinguished members of the court, but they kind of blow when it comes to rocking a serious bash.”

“I am looking forward to hearing Brett’s sexy party playlist, sampling his box of punch with mysterious ingredients, and viewing his full-size stainless steel kegerator.”

“Finally,” said Justice Thomas, “we are going to blow the lid off this thing.”


Hopefully Will Bring Interesting Friends

“It sounds like Brett hangs with a real crowd of party animals,” said Justice Neil Gorsuch. “I just hope he bring some of them to the Supreme Court Ice Cream Social in the spring. They sound, like, way cool.”

While the female members of the court were not available for comment on the upcoming blowouts at the Kavanator’s, sources say they would stop by for a little bit, but will need to leave early to write a brief for the morning. The conservative majority issued an opinion calling the made up excuse totally lame.

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