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Thursday, June 13, 2024

House Republicans Look Forward To Leaving “All This Unpleasantness” Behind


In a gesture of goodwill toward Democrats this week on the heels of the midterm elections, House Republicans said they are glad to be “moving forward” and are “ready to work in a spirit of bi-partisanship and mutual respect” as Democrats take control of the House of Representatives.


As Jesus Said To His Disciples

Referring to the events of the past few years as “water under the bridge,” Republican members said they were anxious to let “bygones be bygones” and find common ground with the new committee leaders and Speaker of the House in a Christian spirit.

Quoting Mahatma Ghandi, House Chair of the Freedom Caucus Mark Meadows extended his warmest wishes to Democrats, saying “whenever you are confronted with an opponent, conquer him with love.”

“It’s like the Buddha used to say – even as a solid rock is unshaken by the wind, so are the wise unshaken by praise or blame,” continued Mr. Meadows. “I think everyone here in the House should really take those words to heart.”


Great Time For Reflection

“I often meditate on the words of the Dalai Lama,” said the presumptive House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy. “He once said: people take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.”

“I’ve always tried to live my life with that in mind,” said the congressman.

Extending an invitation to the Democrats to a team-building exercise in which the participants will work together to form a human American flag, the Republicans were hopeful that a new era of cooperation was at hand in the House of Representatives.

“We are lucky to be living in such a great country that values compromise and working together for the good of all,” said a Republican House news release. “America has always been a beacon of partnership and collaboration. We are at our best when we join together and display maximum teamwork, and value all opinions as we forge a common understanding. And we are are sure that our Democratic partners – nay! – our Democratic FRIENDS, no doubt feel the same.”

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