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Tuesday, May 21, 2024

Aunt Unaware She’s Running White Grievance-Themed Gift Shop


A local aunt who opened a gift store last year to earn some extra money has reportedly been buying signs and t-shirts with slogans featuring white grievance themes, according to her nephews this week.

“Yeah, it’s becoming a bit of a problem,” said her nephew Zack, who works the register twice a week during the afternoon shift. “We have a lot of friends from school who drop by and they give us some weird looks.” “We laugh about it, but I kind of wish she’d run some of these purchases by us.”


“All Lives Matter In This Cabin!”

The messages on an assortment of shot glasses, key chains and other novelty items feature some standard gift shop sayings, like “Live. Laugh. Love.” However recent shipments have also included “Parking For Legal Americans Only”, “This Kitchen Protected By Smith & Wesson”, and “Kiss Me, I’m Of European Descent.”

“We’re not sure what catalog she’s ordering from,” said her oldest nephew Stephen. “She’s actually a very tolerant person but her eyes aren’t so good anymore and she mostly picks things because she likes the color.”

“Personally, I try not to look too closely at the merchandise when I’m stocking the shelves,” said Zack as he was arranging a stack of t-shirts. “But if I see something that’s over the line, I won’t put it out. Last week, a box of kitchen towels came in that said ‘I Heart The KKK: Knitting, Kitties and Kicking Ass’. We tossed it in the dumpster.”


Valedictorians Need Not Apply

Although it’s a little awkward to work there at times, the nephews aren’t planning to look for a new job. “I’ll stick it out thru high school,” said Stephen. “It’s really close to my school for one. The customers are generally pretty nice. And she’s a great aunt.”

“But best of all, she pays in cash.”

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