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Sunday, July 14, 2024

Trump Orders National Guard To Begin Work On Giant Cheeseburger


In response to growing levels of frustration with congress’ refusal to fund his administration’s initiatives, President Trump this week ordered the National Guard to begin construction on what he said was a top infrastructure priority: an eight-story cheeseburger on the banks of the Potomac river.

Taken aback by the president’s sudden directive, the Army Corps of Engineers met to decide which of the country’s current projects would be de-funded to create the towering mass of meat, cheese and sesame bun.

“Although the military’s primary focus is protecting the American people from foreign threats, the president is within his rights as commander-in-chief to direct troops as he sees fit in matters of urgent national security,” said Major General Curtis Stregnhold.

For his part, the president said the cheeseburger was long overdue: “The failure of former presidents to begin construction on this cheeseburger is a disgrace,” the president tweeted. “The American people will no longer stand by as their government fails to deliver on this beautiful symbol of what makes our country so great.”

While it remains unclear what the president plans to do with the 100 foot tall cheeseburger, sources say White House advisor Stephen Miller was moving it to an undisclosed location on the southern border to test whether humans can climb over the greasy sandwich.

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