Former President Obama Hops Into Space Shuttle, Abruptly Leaves Earth

Former President Obama Hops Into Space Shuttle, Abruptly Leaves Earth

  CAPE CANAVERAL, FL – Amid the chaos of two hurricanes, an earthquake in Mexico, nuclear threats from North Korea and a White House administration in turmoil, Former President Barack Obama this week jumped into one of the nation’s space shuttles, initiated a launch sequence, and blasted off into outer space. The security guard on […]

Moon To Cockblock Sun In Lame Move Says Mercury

Moon To Cockblock Sun In Lame Move Says Mercury

UNIVERSE – The planet Mercury, one of Earth’s closest neighbors, has long grown accustomed to the antics of the Earth’s moon. But the latest move by the Moon to cockblock the Earth from receiving the warming rays of the the Sun kind of took the cake. “So typical,” said the smallest and innermost planet in […]

President Attacks Alt-Universe, Says Worse Than Alt-Left

President Attacks Alt-Universe, Says Worse Than Alt-Left

WASHINGTON DC – In scathing remarks at the end of a press conference earlier this evening, President Trump devoted a full 20 minutes to rail against what he said was an alternate version of the universe that was bent on the destruction of his administration. He also went on to claim that this “alt-universe” was […]

US Launches Penelope Cruz Missile – North Korea Smitten

US Launches Penelope Cruz Missile – North Korea Smitten

  PACIFIC OCEAN – Unveiling a secret weapon that has been in development for several years, the US military launched a Penelope Cruz missile from a Trident Submarine toward North Korea, badly enamoring the nation with the beautiful model and actress. Kim Jong-Un, who was smitten in the attack, vowed to press on with his […]

Lego Offensive Begins In Earnest Against Mega Bloks

Lego Offensive Begins In Earnest Against Mega Bloks

UNDISCLOSED DESERT LOCATION – Lego forces launched a long-anticipated offensive Tuesday to drive Mega Bloks from its heavily defended global headquarters in the deserts outside of Quebec City, Canada, in the most decisive battle in the three-year war against the children’s toy company, and one that could draw more Lego forces into the fight. Lt. […]

MONTENEGRO RESPONDS TO TRUMP INSULT: DECLARES WAR ON U.S.

MONTENEGRO RESPONDS TO TRUMP INSULT: DECLARES WAR ON U.S.

MONTENEGRO – In a dramatic response to an affront to its Prime Minister, Dusko Markovic, by the US President Donald Trump, the tiny country of Montenegro today announced they were declaring war on the United States of America. “To avenge our Prime Minister, the sovereign state of Montenegro, and the great history of our proud […]