National
Crooked Referees Cheer Decision To Legalize Sports Betting
UNITED STATES -
Across the country this week, referees, umpires, line judges and other sporting officials on the take expressed their extreme gratitude for the...
Pokèmon Go Homeless Population Straining Nation’s Resources
UNITED STATES -
The year 2016 is mostly remembered for the historic US presidential election. But there was another front page news story that has...
Bleary-Eyed Americans Confront Yet Another News Day
UNITED STATES -
Rising from their beds with nowhere else to go, and no prospects of relief in sight, Americans across the country staggered this...
Comparison: HR McMaster versus HR PufnStuf
THE PENTAGON -
After a tumultuous year working with General HR McMaster as National Security Advisor, President Trump announced he would be replacing him with...
Local Man Concerned Smart Phone May Be Giving Him Commands
SAN FRANCISCO, CA -
After a busy day of sight-seeing this week in the famous "City By The Bay," college student and part-time barista Riley...
Trump Declares Would Not Have Been Afraid During Normandy Invasion
WASHINGTON DC -
Although critics have expressed skepticism of the president's claims of bravado, such as following the school shooting in Parkland, Florida, President Trump...
President Vindicated As FBI Uncovers Shark Plot To Overthrow US Government
WASHINGTON DC -
In what is believed to be the first plot ever by an aquatic species to topple the United States government by force,...
Evangelicals Sign Letter In Support Of $130,000 Payments To Porn Actresses
UNITED STATES -
In an unexpected development in religious circles this week, forty-seven prominent evangelical pastors signed a letter in support of making payments of...
Obama Leaves Ex-Presidents, Embarks On Solo Career
WASHINGTON, DC -
Citing "creative differences" and a need to explore new territory, President Obama this week announced he was leaving the Ex-Presidents, a group...
Americans Working Harder Than Ever To Pretend They Don’t See UFOs
UNITED STATES -
In a big change from what used to be a fairly routine task, Americans are having to put in more and more...
Red Party Passes New Income Redistribution Program For US
WASHINGTON DC -
In a triumph for the ruling Red Party of the United States, congress today passed a law that will redistribute money...
Penguins Fed Up With Climate Change, Head North To Kick Some Major Ass
ANTARCTICA -
Fed up with years of inactivity by the vast majority of human beings on the planet, penguins across the southern hemisphere today headed...
President Reveals Miss America Escape Pod In Event Of Global Pandemic
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL -
In a dramatic presentation at the Air Force Station at Cape Canaveral today, President Trump revealed he is overseeing the construction...
Dogs Looking Forward To Driverless Cars So They Can Chase Other Cars
PAOLO ALTO, CA -
There are many reasons for people to be excited about new technologies in the years to come, but animals, too, have...
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