Red Lobster Announces New All-You-Buy Restaurant Equipment Auction
Following on the heels of their recent "all-you-can-eat" shrimp promotion, Red Lobster has announced an unprecedented "all-you-can-buy" restaurant equipment special, inviting customers to purchase...
Cheetos Announces New AI Cheetos
Frito Lay, the snack manufacturer and subsidiary of PepsiCo, announced today that they are releasing a new twist on...
AI Fires Missile Toward Russia After Hungry Officer Mistakenly Types In “Launch Order”
QUANTICO, VA -
In a surprising development at CENTCOM Air Force Regional headquarters Tuesday, an AI bot launched a missile...
Local Man Resigned To Paying Wellness Fee Added To Price Of New Car
Local resident Wesley Dimsel was thrilled to find the new car of his dreams at a local dealership. However, as the final paperwork was being prepared, he was taken aback by a $4,000...
Local Man Concerned Midjourney Girlfriend Seeing Other Subscribers
While scrubbing thru the latest images on a public discord server, local man Steve Grinscheld became concerned on Wednesday after seeing images of a woman who looked exactly like his Midjourney girlfriend appearing...
Marketing Manager Unaware AI Spending $1 Million Per Minute Running Company’s Ad On Pinterest
Marketing Manager Kevin Milzigren of local skin care products company Skintastics, was blissfully unaware Friday as he aimlessly scrolled thru vacation options in Mexico that he had inadvertently authorized an AI algorithm to spend $1...
Local Man Charged $47.32 In Fees To Sit On Jury Of Ticketmaster Antitrust Case
Local man John Stenens, a resident of Los Angeles, was surprised recently to find out that he was being charged $47.32 in fees for his participation as a juror in the high-profile antitrust...
CIA Evacuates Al Pacino To Remote Island After Receiving Coded Message ‘Maria The Oppenheimer’
In a surprising turn of events following the 2024 Academy Awards, the CIA reportedly evacuated legendary actor Al Pacino to a remote island in the South Pacific by helicopter following Pacino's mysterious on-air...
Doctors Determine ‘Enemy Within’ Is Definitely Three Cheeseburgers Man Had For Lunch
In an article published Tuesday in the medical journal "Diagonosticus", several leading researchers concluded that the 'enemy within' recently identified by Former President Trump on the campaign trail was actually three cheeseburgers and a basket of fries he had eaten recently for lunch.
Describing the caloric intake and nutritional value of the meal as "empirically catastrophic", researchers concluded that the breakdown of the elements in the former president system was without question the most dangerous enemy he was facing.
"If there was a Richter scale for the magnitude of biological destruction this lunch presents, it would register as an M8," said Tomasu Brigadier, lead researcher on the project. "I cannot stress...
Harrison Butker Offers To Speak At Holocaust Memorial Event
Sensing momentum after his recent successful speaking engagement at the commencement ceremonies for Benedictine University, Kansas City Chiefs Placekicker Harrison Butker on Thursday offered...
Report: I Selfie, Therefore I Am
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND -
An international conference of philosophers meeting in Geneva this week unanimously endorsed a paper presented by University of Lyon Professor Edwin Grunschveld stating that "Selfito, ergo sum", (Latin: “I Selfie, therefore...
Disney+ Announces New 14-Episode Series Focused On Origin Story Of Baby Greedo
HOLLYWOOD -
In a bid to recapture the popularity of baby Yoda from the prequel series "The Mandalorian," Disney+ announced Tuesday it is moving into production of a 14-episode series centered around the origin...
Punching People At Awards Shows Added To List Of Things Celebrities Allowed To Do
They just let you do it.
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Frozen Iowa Caucus-Goer’s Dying Wish To Own Libs
ORANGE CITY, IA -
In the small town of Orange...
College Student Relieved To Discover Social Security Will Almost Cover Student Loan Payments When She Retires
SANDUSKY, OH -
In the bustling college town where she...
FAA Assured By Boeing Missing Wing Was No Big Deal
Saying a software fix was on the way, Boeing...
Mom’s New Years Resolution To Find Out More About The Rizzler
With the goal of starting off the new year...
BREAKING NEWS
Disembodied Voice Coming From Sky Warns Man Of Possible Side Effects
ELWAY, ID -
During an otherwise uneventful stroll thru downtown Elway, Idaho,...
Founders Terrified Of 34 Year-Old Presidential Candidate Agree It OK To Be Insurrectionist
In the dimly lit chamber where they gathered to sign the...
Local Man Who Lived With Secret Family For 6 Months Discovers Original Family Didn’t Realize He Was Gone
Local man Jonathan Windsor of East Peoria, Illinois, had been quietly...
Trump Emerges As Only Presidential Candidate Willing To Take On US
Faced with the difficult task of separating himself from Democratic nominee...
Pleasing Out Of Focus Christmas Lights Outside Window Actually Oncoming Runaway Train
Relaxing with a cappuccino during the busy holiday season at your...
