Red Lobster Announces New All-You-Buy Restaurant Equipment Auction
Following on the heels of their recent "all-you-can-eat" shrimp promotion, Red Lobster has announced an unprecedented "all-you-can-buy" restaurant equipment special, inviting customers to purchase...
Cheetos Announces New AI Cheetos
Frito Lay, the snack manufacturer and subsidiary of PepsiCo, announced today that they are releasing a new twist on...
AI Fires Missile Toward Russia After Hungry Officer Mistakenly Types In “Launch Order”
QUANTICO, VA -
In a surprising development at CENTCOM Air Force Regional headquarters Tuesday, an AI bot launched a missile...
Local Man Resigned To Paying Wellness Fee Added To Price Of New Car
Local resident Wesley Dimsel was thrilled to find the new car of his dreams at a local dealership. However, as the final paperwork was being prepared, he was taken aback by a $4,000...
Local Man Concerned Midjourney Girlfriend Seeing Other Subscribers
While scrubbing thru the latest images on a public discord server, local man Steve Grinscheld became concerned on Wednesday after seeing images of a woman who looked exactly like his Midjourney girlfriend appearing...
Marketing Manager Unaware AI Spending $1 Million Per Minute Running Company’s Ad On Pinterest
Marketing Manager Kevin Milzigren of local skin care products company Skintastics, was blissfully unaware Friday as he aimlessly scrolled thru vacation options in Mexico that he had inadvertently authorized an AI algorithm to spend $1...
Local Man Charged $47.32 In Fees To Sit On Jury Of Ticketmaster Antitrust Case
Local man John Stenens, a resident of Los Angeles, was surprised recently to find out that he was being charged $47.32 in fees for his participation as a juror in the high-profile antitrust...
CIA Evacuates Al Pacino To Remote Island After Receiving Coded Message ‘Maria The Oppenheimer’
In a surprising turn of events following the 2024 Academy Awards, the CIA reportedly evacuated legendary actor Al Pacino to a remote island in the South Pacific by helicopter following Pacino's mysterious on-air...
Americans Looking Forward To Selecting Next Leader Based On Who Has The Most Ad Money
As the 2024 presidential election approaches, Americans are increasingly looking forward to the next round of voting for whichever candidate can raise the highest amount of advertising dollars for their campaign.
Marge Oberland, a spokesperson for the Center For Advanced Media Placement, emphasized the critical role of raising cash for advertising in modern elections. “It’s increasingly important for Americans that their leaders have the most ad dollars to spend,” Oberland said. “A candidate’s ability to raise significant funds best demonstrates their fitness as a leader of a nation of 330 million citizens.”
"It looks like it could be a toss up at this point," said voter Joe Doakenfeld of Kanstead, Nebraska,...
Harrison Butker Offers To Speak At Holocaust Memorial Event
Sensing momentum after his recent successful speaking engagement at the commencement ceremonies for Benedictine University, Kansas City Chiefs Placekicker Harrison Butker on Thursday offered...
Report: I Selfie, Therefore I Am
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND -
An international conference of philosophers meeting in Geneva this week unanimously endorsed a paper presented by University of Lyon Professor Edwin Grunschveld stating that "Selfito, ergo sum", (Latin: “I Selfie, therefore...
Disney+ Announces New 14-Episode Series Focused On Origin Story Of Baby Greedo
HOLLYWOOD -
In a bid to recapture the popularity of baby Yoda from the prequel series "The Mandalorian," Disney+ announced Tuesday it is moving into production of a 14-episode series centered around the origin...
Punching People At Awards Shows Added To List Of Things Celebrities Allowed To Do
They just let you do it.
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College Student Relieved To Discover Social Security Will Almost Cover Student Loan Payments When She Retires
SANDUSKY, OH -
In the bustling college town where she...
FAA Assured By Boeing Missing Wing Was No Big Deal
Saying a software fix was on the way, Boeing...
Mom’s New Years Resolution To Find Out More About The Rizzler
With the goal of starting off the new year...
Founders Terrified Of 34 Year-Old Presidential Candidate Agree It OK To Be Insurrectionist
In the dimly lit chamber where they gathered to...
BREAKING NEWS
Frozen Iowa Caucus-Goer’s Dying Wish To Own Libs
ORANGE CITY, IA -
In the small town of Orange City, where...
Local Man Who Lived With Secret Family For 6 Months Discovers Original Family Didn’t Realize He Was Gone
Local man Jonathan Windsor of East Peoria, Illinois, had been quietly...
Trump Emerges As Only Presidential Candidate Willing To Take On US
Faced with the difficult task of separating himself from Democratic nominee...
Pleasing Out Of Focus Christmas Lights Outside Window Actually Oncoming Runaway Train
Relaxing with a cappuccino during the busy holiday season at your...
Friend Quits Job To Painstakingly Hand-Letter 1,200 Christmas Cards With Quill Pen
BARLOW, DELAWARE -
In what you fear might be a case of...
