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Tuesday, June 18, 2024

Red Lobster Announces New All-You-Buy Restaurant Equipment Auction

Following on the heels of their recent "all-you-can-eat" shrimp promotion, Red Lobster has announced an unprecedented "all-you-can-buy" restaurant equipment special, inviting customers to purchase...

Cheetos Announces New AI Cheetos

Frito Lay, the snack manufacturer and subsidiary of PepsiCo, announced today that they are releasing a new twist on...

AI Fires Missile Toward Russia After Hungry Officer Mistakenly Types In “Launch Order”

QUANTICO, VA - In a surprising development at CENTCOM Air Force Regional headquarters Tuesday, an AI bot launched a missile...

Local Man Resigned To Paying Wellness Fee Added To Price Of New Car

Local resident Wesley Dimsel was thrilled to find the new car of his dreams at a local dealership. However, as the final paperwork was being prepared, he was taken aback by a $4,000...

Local Man Concerned Midjourney Girlfriend Seeing Other Subscribers

While scrubbing thru the latest images on a public discord server, local man Steve Grinscheld became concerned on Wednesday after seeing images of a woman who looked exactly like his Midjourney girlfriend appearing...

Marketing Manager Unaware AI Spending $1 Million Per Minute Running Company’s Ad On Pinterest

Marketing Manager Kevin Milzigren of local skin care products company Skintastics, was blissfully unaware Friday as he aimlessly scrolled thru vacation options in Mexico that he had inadvertently authorized an AI algorithm to spend $1...

Local Man Charged $47.32 In Fees To Sit On Jury Of Ticketmaster Antitrust Case

Local man John Stenens, a resident of Los Angeles, was surprised recently to find out that he was being charged $47.32 in fees for his participation as a juror in the high-profile antitrust...

CIA Evacuates Al Pacino To Remote Island After Receiving Coded Message ‘Maria The Oppenheimer’

In a surprising turn of events following the 2024 Academy Awards, the CIA reportedly evacuated legendary actor Al Pacino to a remote island in the South Pacific by helicopter following Pacino's mysterious on-air...

News Outlet Successfully Repurposes Trump Article From 4 Years Ago Without Changes

In a time-saving move that freed up a substantial portion of his day, journalist David Bleicher of the Daily Cutoff digital news magazine was able to successfully re-post a news story on Former-President Donald Trump's election campaign from four years ago without any changes or updates. Bleicher expressed relief at not having to craft a new article, since he was responsible for finding a vacation rental in the Hamptons for a family re-union this summer and hadn't made much progress. "Knowing that Trump's messaging remains virtually unchanged from four years ago, there was a strong likelihood I could lift large chunks of a piece we did on him for the 2020...

Harrison Butker Offers To Speak At Holocaust Memorial Event

Sensing momentum after his recent successful speaking engagement at the commencement ceremonies for Benedictine University, Kansas City Chiefs Placekicker Harrison Butker on Thursday offered...

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Report: I Selfie, Therefore I Am

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND - An international conference of philosophers meeting in Geneva this week unanimously endorsed a paper presented by University of Lyon Professor Edwin Grunschveld stating that "Selfito, ergo sum", (Latin: “I Selfie, therefore...

Disney+ Announces New 14-Episode Series Focused On Origin Story Of Baby Greedo

HOLLYWOOD - In a bid to recapture the popularity of baby Yoda from the prequel series "The Mandalorian," Disney+ announced Tuesday it is moving into production of a 14-episode series centered around the origin...

Punching People At Awards Shows Added To List Of Things Celebrities Allowed To Do

  They just let you do it.   makeamericathebest.com Your Trusted Source for Faux News.

FAA Assured By Boeing Missing Wing Was No Big Deal

  Saying a software fix was on the way, Boeing...

Mom’s New Years Resolution To Find Out More About The Rizzler

With the goal of starting off the new year...

BREAKING NEWS

Trump Emerges As Only Presidential Candidate Willing To Take On US

Faced with the difficult task of separating himself from Democratic nominee...

Pleasing Out Of Focus Christmas Lights Outside Window Actually Oncoming Runaway Train

Relaxing with a cappuccino during the busy holiday season at your...

Friend Quits Job To Painstakingly Hand-Letter 1,200 Christmas Cards With Quill Pen

BARLOW, DELAWARE -  In what you fear might be a case of...

Strategically Placed Pine Cone In Walnut Dish 20% Funnier This Holiday Season

  WILSHIRE, VERMONT - A time-honored Christmas prank played repeatedly over the years...